I’ve posted a few weeks or maybe a month ago asking if I should go to a wedding with my husband who’s an alcoholic. We’ve never been to a wedding since he relapsed. All the events similar to that and weddings that we’ve done to he was sober and I supported him or at most had 1-2 drinks when he told me I should if I want to. He has been sober majority of our marriage 8 years (2 years sober when we met) so he was sober for 10 years and then relapsed 2 years ago. So basically he has been drinking for 2 years now and we’ve had lots of bad nights of him blacking out and a messed up relationship that we’re dealing with in therapy now. Our boundary now is that he may not bring a shit ton of alcohol to our home but he can go out or go elsewhere to drink however much he wants as long as it’s not around the kids and I and we’re not impacted by it.
He ate complete total shit at this guys friends bachelors party in May. Drank non stop for 3 days. Has no memory of things. Called me drunk several times from it and was rambling incoherently. Peed his pants in his sleep. And he actually has no clue how much he drank exactly not even an idea of how much. When he came back home he had a mental breakdown in front of me. He was still drunk and was crying. The next day he couldn’t make it back to work.
Now this guys wedding is coming up this weekend hours away from us in a different state and he’s one of the best men. I’m pretty sure the other guys may be alcoholics too. At least some of them. I don’t know anyone there actually.
I told him I didn’t feel comfortable going with our 3 little kids basically taking care of them alone and being stuck there with him acting like that. He said he will definitely not embarrass himself us and his friends and would limit himself to 3 drinks. Seems unrealistic for him. I asked him if he was willing to take medication to help with that and he refused. I told him that maybe we shouldn’t go and he should go alone which he got butt hurt about and promised he’d definitely keep it to 3 drinks. We’re staying at a hotel room and I’ve now told him I’d go if he has a backup plan with another friend. The request was you ask your friend to be your sober driver and let you stay at their hotel room if you go overboard and get too drunk and I’ll just take the kids to our hotel room for the night and pick him up the next day. I’m basically saying I want nothing to do with him being like that around me and the kids anymore.
He claims it’s an unreasonable embarrassing request. To me that shouldn’t be a problem if he’s actually honest about the limit and wouldn’t need to go through with it anyway.
Is this an unreasonable request on my part?
Being around him drunk and having our kids see that feels like a hard no. I’d rather stay behind.
What would you do?