When I [M, 24] speak to beautiful girls, my words stumble and I grin too much. This distorts my words and makes me look amateur and I get anxious to talk further. I have hardly approached any girl for this reason. Please help!

I [M, 24] have never approached any girl in my life, never had sex. I attribute this situation to my negative self-esteem since school days. I was so afraid of talking to girls of my age that either I didn’t talk to them or even if I did, my voice would shake and heart would throb rapidly. Anyway, this general fear of talking to girls diminished after I started in college. However, I couldn’t make any improvement of my social skills and stayed single and sad for the entire college days.

After getting a job and lots of ‘at home’ time in COVID period, I put myself into study mode, read lots of psychological articles and realized that my lack of self-esteem and self-confidence and fear of failure makes me so afraid of and inferior to girls in general.

After months of putting conscious efforts in improving my self-esteem and self-compassion, learning to have a positive outlook of myself, I do really have greater confidence on my abilities now and can now talk to random girls seamlessly about non-romantic subjects. Though I haven’t acquired flirting confidence yet! Hoping that I’ll flirt well soon.

But, there’s this speech problem of mine which is eating my head for some days. Whenever I speak to someone who’s higher in social status or is a beautiful girl, then frequently my words get stumbled, i.e., the words get mixed up and produces unrecognizable blabber. Also, at the same time I subconsciously make a happy-smiling cheeks and face A.K.A. grin for no particular reason. Why I can’t have a serious or flirtatious conversation without stumbling my words and making that happy stupid face!!

I know I need to put emphasis on every letter and speak slower to sound better. But, these two conditions occurring simultaneously leave me frustrated. I am getting more and more demoralized thinking that this condition won’t ever let me approach and flirt with girls. Because, the sooner I’ll start talking, I’ll produce a smiling-grinning amateur face and blurt out unrecognizable stumbled words, shaming myself and coming out as someone who can’t keep up a serious conversation, therefore, unworthy of dating!

Have anyone faced the same scenario? How did you improve on this? Please help!