This girl that I knew since our freshman year slowly became my biggest crush ever, I always made a gab between us from our freshman year to the senior year because I was always afraid that I would fuck it up or she might be just having fun with me (from past experiences).
Soon I released when I got to know more about her that she is the nicest girl out there, sweet and kind and warm like a grandma in a winter night, doesn't have the pirate attitude like the rest of the girls around her.
We were (and still) really close, she even talks regularly about me to her family because of how much I take care of her, I even met her mum at our final project presentation ceremony and she talked to me like as I was her fiancé.
In the end of our senior year I was fully determined that right after graduation I was going to propose and talk to her family, I had a part time job that will be a full time after graduation and already have a great career in teaching.
I was too late, 2 months before graduation she got engaged in an arranged marriage…. It was her boss at work, 6 years older than me, has a house and completely stable financially..
To say I broke down when she told me in chat is an understatement, she even said it in a complaining way saying that they want to make the ceremony really early..
It has been 5 months since that and I tried everything to walk away because it is not moral to talk to an engaged woman like the way we talk to each other.
She even complain to me about how he doesn't take care of her the way I did, how cold he is with her at work, how that he was on a work call for an hour in their engagement ceremony, I just try to be fair and not talk shit about him and try to justify somethings that he does, just trying to be a good moral man.
I tried harsh tone, she thought I was having bad days and with her warm and kind words made me less harsh, I tried not talking at all but she keep texting me, I even tried dating another girl but she was nothing compared to her, all girls are disgusting compared to her.
I even told her recently that I was too late, and I wish if I can go back in time, she told me in a sad voice that I will find a good person (because she is already committed).
Can't imagine the wedding day, I can't imagine how sad I will be, it is like waiting for a very painful surgery, I really need an advice on how to shield myself from that upcoming pain, from this enormous regret..