I've been with my partner for 15 years. We met at university, he's older than me by a few years. We're not married officially, but we live together in a flat we bought and act like a married couple in almost every way. The last few years have seen us go through some big life challenges: death of a loved one on his side, buying our first property (coinciding with this death), long covid and mental health issues on my side, workplace problems also on my side.
I've noticed recently through starting therapy that I've been harbouring feelings of resentment towards my partner, built up over these years and growing ever stronger. I'm certain the root of the resentment is that I feel I've 'carried' him through these difficult times – soldiering on often at a cost to myself, to ensure we 'stay afloat' while he buries his feelings and avoids tackling big problems head on. Lately, I had to take time a month off work for burnout, during which I received little to no emotional or other form of support from my partner. On my first day back to work, my partner injured himself playing sport. I've been doing my best to care for him and support him through his recovery while also trying to phase back into work. It's been difficult – he reacts poorly to challenging situations. In this case, he made no effort to help himself in his recovery. Instead I spent hours on forums inc reddit researching how to make him more comfortable, what kit to by etc, as he wouldn't or couldn't do this himself. This has made my resentment even stronger. I can barely stand to look at him – all I can think of is 'yet another thing for me to deal with, yet another thing I have to resolve on my own, while I'm also dealing with my own stuff alone'.
I realise we can't continue like this – I'm being slowly poisoned by my own feelings. My partner has no idea the depth of my resentment or if he does he is not letting on, but surely notices something is going on. We've had some deep conversations/fights recently where I've tried to be honest and communicate some of my feelings in a toned down and respectful way, to no avail. I feel like I can't keep bottling it up, the pressure is growing and I want to let it out. But it also feels like a bad time to let the truth loose on someone when they are injured (albeit with something totally non life-threatening). I want us to try couples counselling and I want to bring it up now. I've suggested it before several times but been ignored. But I am wondering if a) I'd be a huge asshole to raise it now and b) is it even worth it at this stage. Is it too late? Is my resentment too deep-rooted?
Any advice/thoughts gratefully received. Sorry for the long post.