Hello Reddit,
My husband (27M) and I (20F) have been married for approximately eight months. We were both virgins when we got married, and neither of us ever watched pornography due to our religious beliefs. Neither of us anticipated having any issues with sex.
During the first week of our marriage, my husband would get erect frequently, but he wouldn't be able to climax. We chalked this up to performance anxiety. When he finally ejaculated, however, he was flaccid. He was only able to ejaculate when he was flaccid. He explained to me that his emotional and physical arousal do not necessarily occur at the same time. For this reason, we have not been able to have intercourse yet. He's just been ejaculating in my vulva region for the time being.
After googling a little bit about the male anatomy, I realized that his foreskin is supposed to retract when having sex and that he has phimosis. Apparently, it's common for men with phimosis to ejaculate when flaccid. This was all news to him. I convinced him to start stretching his foreskin, which resulted in him mostly being able to retract it after a few months.
'Great!,' I thought at first. But, whenever he retracts his foreskin, he becomes really tense, as though it's his phobia. He says that the idea of an erect penis retracting terrifies him. He said he's had no traumatic experiences related to penises in the past, although he remembers that when he was washed as a child, the appearance of his foreskin retracting felt like fingernails on a chalkboard.
I'm at a loss at what to do. We would like to consummate our marriage and have children. The gynecologist I visited said that it's very unlikely that I'll get pregnant without penetration. His urologist suggested circumcision, but by now the phimosis is less of an issue.
How can I help get rid of my husband's fear of penetrative sex? In all other respects, our marriage so far is idyllic.