I (24F, southeast asian) have been in a relationship with my partner (26M, chinese) for a bit more than 5 years and maybe because we both have graduated and is working our first big boy/girl jobs, my parents are starting to question/ask about our future plans. My partner and I have plans to get marry and we have a timeline of when we will wish to get engaged (of course if everything in life is to works out well). My parents got married at a young age and I can tell this is likely why my parents are starting to egg me more on the topic of marriage. However, from here I feel that my parents have been criticizing everything about my bf, me, and his parents.
My career so far is pretty settled but my bf on the other hand is not so much which he is working on. While I am ready to be engaged to my bf and want to be I feel that my parents constant nagging is making me give that energy to my bf which ultimately is making us fight as I am catching myself asking for my reassurance from him and feeling almost insecure or scare if we don’t work out I would hear a handful from my parents.
Recently, my partner’s parents came to pick me up with them to go on a day trip and his parents sat in the car as he had mentioned he’ll come get me but his parents are a bit shy (plus we had a reso and were on a tight schedule). When I came home and was excited to tell my mom about my day, she shut me down and said “do not think your bf parents were rude to not even come in and say hi?” I explained to my mom that he had told me his parents were shy and I didn’t want to force them. My mom continued making unhappy faces and asking “do you think it’s good to date someone with parents like that?” and I was speechless. I even asked her, “do you want me to end my relationship then just because of that?” Like both party did not come out and I don’t know what I was suppose to do. I’m extremely distraught and frustrated. My bf’s parents treat me very well and is nice to me. His family enjoys my company and invited me out to eat and spend time with them. Am I just being ignorant about this and my parent’s perspective?
I feel like I have 0 rights to dictate my bf on how his parents should be acting. I only have the right to tell my bf how he should behave with my parents present because I am in a relationship with him and we are together. I respect and adore my parents because of all the sacrifices they’ve gone through to give me the best chance in life but I feel like they are also now ruining my relationship. Their comments are making me take it out on my bf in an unhealthy manner which makes me feel like I am ruining this relationship of ours.
Aside from this, my parents have been nagging and complaining that my bf needs to help more such as setting up the table during dinner and cleaning the table which he all does…I even tell my parents he does all of this and ask them to tell me when he hasn’t which they of course cannot. They say their reasoning of saying these things is for me to make sure I am “training” him well in housework/chores and teaching him to be polite and respectful before it is too late. They fear that I would bear all the burden of doing everything myself for the both of us similar to one of my aunt’s marriage. I find this valid and I obviously do not want a man like that and I see that my bf is not and would not be in the future. Of course he needs to learn how to do more/better housework but for how he is with my parent’s presence, I feel that he is doing his best. There is a communication barrier so they often don’t ask him to do things (and they also don’t feel like they have to as they expect him to ask them or know what they want him to do….)
Am I the issue or my parents the issue? Please be kind as In currently going through this and I feel extremely conflicted.
TLDR: My parents are mad at me that my bf parents didn’t greet them when they came pick me up.