My husband and I have been married for 3 years, and together for 8, no children. Our sex life has been up and down the entire time, and we ebb and flow for how often we have sex. In the past, we've been very open about preferences and desires, and things have been great. For the past year of our relationship however, something has changed and I'm struggling.
I am a much more sexual person than my husband is. I would love to be intimate every day, whether its me pleasuring him, both of us, whatever. I frequently express to him how attractive I find him, how I can't wait to touch him, etc. I make it a point to go out of my way to say these things because I want my husband to feel good. However – I don't feel like this kind of affection is reciprocated very often, and it's really starting to eat away at me. While my husband is kind, and my best friend, he rarely makes sexual advances towards me. I've done the stereotypical "walk around naked while he's gaming" thing and gotten very meh reactions.
Tonight, I told him I'd love to give him a massage after his shower. He said he wasn't really feeling it and didn't want to get "lotioned". I said that was fine, and that I'd love to even just rub his shoulders. He said not tonight. I flat out told him that I offered the massage because I want to touch him and be intimate, and that I want to go down on him. He paused and was quiet for about 30 seconds before saying "Well, what kind of blowjob are you offering". I told him that i could do anything he wanted and he said he wanted to think about it before rolling over in bed. We sat there for another minute before I just told him not to worry about it tonight.
I really felt deflated after that – We are 3 years into a marriage and I feel like I just got rejected back in high school. There was no fight or argument, just my husband going to bed and me sitting here feeling like I'm not worth his time. I have talked with him about these feelings, so there's not some big secret. We'll have a conversation about this and it usually ends with both of us apologizing and saying we'll try harder.
I want to say I NEVER EXPECT SEX. Never. I wholeheartedly respect my husband and his body, and I only want to be intimate if we're both ready.
This type of thing has become a regular occurrence in our sex life over the past year. I've suggested we start couples counseling, and my husband said he doesn't want to try that until he seeks individual counseling for other personal reasons first. I love my husband – I just really want more out of our sex lives. I want to feel desired, and I want to be able to communicate that to him in a way that's constructive and healthy. The last thing I want to do is make my husband feel attacked. Any advice