Late night update to original comment here. Can't sleep and also didn't want to distract from the actual questions here so let's do this late at night. A lot of people wanted an update on how things went since we met, I gave a quick word river of thoughts on Saturday here and then for Sunday to now-
It's been a whirlwind to say the least. Sunday I went to his place for dinner really early. I texted him I was bored and asked if I could hangout there, and he's like sure. He has a really nice apartment in the flatiron and it was something I always would imagine what it looked like. He runs a clean home, and you can tell it's not the kind of clean that someone just put together. When we did the tour, I went through his closets and it's basically only work or gym clothes which I thought was funny. I really liked the gym clothes and it was almost all from one brand so apparently their store is like 2 stops away and he convinced me to get some. I then learned that shirts and shorts can be expensive.
We went to some vuori store and I didn't realize at first how much things cost, I just browsed and said what things looked nice as someone set up a trial room. When I found out that it was so expensive I almost threw up and I felt like I wasted his time even coming here, but between the rush of trying things on and him telling me I looked cute in it messed with my brain and he did get it all for me. And it was a lot. Like I'm embarrassed to say how much it was that's how bad it was.
We went back and he cooked dinner, which he said he enjoys because he works a lot, almost always past dinner, so he'll often have a "cooking call" with his coworkers where they're either off camera or on camera and everyone's picking up their kids from camp or cooking or at the gym or whatever else. It was probably the fanciest meal I've ever had in my life to that point, no exaggeration. We watched a movie afterwards and talked a ton. We again got into deep stuff, and it's weird like we've known each other for a decade but haven't met in person and truly known each other in some ways. My friends were always so surprised that I told him so much personal stories and that he would do the same, but it always is easier to tell someone you don't see in person these private things. So how do you measure the time to get to know each other, when do you say you are dating, all that became what we were talking about.
The other aspect was getting the super important stuff out of the way, like where do we want to be long-term, what kind of life would we want to live, what role for our partners. Him considering moving to Miami is probably the fairy tale story because if you ask anyone from Argentina where in the US they would want to move, it would probably mostly be LA and Miami. A lot of the Latinos in NYC are from central America or the islands. Miami it feels like is more Cubans, Venezolanos, and Argentinians? I told him my faith is important to me, and I knew he was Catholic but it was nice to confirm that he wouldn't have a problem with it. I also told him I wanted to wait for marriage to have sex and he said he's cool with that. It's proving difficult because ever since the weekend it's physically distracting me. I can't sleep, I get distracted at work, I cannot stop thinking about it. It's so silly but it's like being a teenager again.
Tuesday we actually went out to a little park date and walk around the area too. And similar we talked about what we are and what we want to be. I know he's probably annoyed by it, but I asked him if like these are dates and if not can I take him on one, and he said they're like "date zero" and that he will take me out on a true first date the next day. We talked about like what we would look like as far as dating, because I am here until halfway through December and then I go back to Buenos Aires. He was open to distance which was something I was dreading, because a lot of people aren't into that and so I was afraid he'd say like oh we can date again when you're back in the USA. I probably won't get lucky and get a project in the USA again to be honest, at least not New York. He said if it gets to that point we can talk vacation visas and he can visit me for a few months since timezone is similar and his job is remote-flexible. He is going to visit Miami again in a few weeks and invited me because I was so curious about some of the places he was thinking of. I figure if he wants my input or me to come along, he sees a future with me.
Today was our "first" date and I know the commentary will be to slow down, but yeah I am truly in love with my pen pal more than I thought I could be. He picked me up with flowers. He rightly assumed I didn't have anything to put them in either and had a glass thing I forget the word for to hold them. He got me a dress from Reformation which I had mentioned all the rich foreign workers in my office wear. Like I mentioned it once in like thousands of things I've said over the past few days and idk I know I can't keep having him spend a lot on me, but obviously I cried and embarrassed myself that way, he also got me nice shoes (again). I changed, I made a big deal over how much he was spending on me and he said that he knows he can't buy my affection but that his love language is gift giving.
The dinner was one of those things you see on TV. Like literally it was from the old guy that had a guest appearance on the Bear. I mentioned to him I was watching and he said he wouldn't spoil it, but that one day maybe he could spoil me, and I didn't realize one day would be today. I also didn't know food got that fancy. We then went to see a broadway show and that was on my bucket list for my time in New York. Hadestown has an Argentine lead and so he booked that and I'm like WOW first of all it was an amazing performance if you're in NYC you should see it, but also it was just like the fanciest I've ever felt or lived in my life. Like I come from a middle class background in Buenos Aires but with the economy the way it is, middle class is just that you're not homeless and can afford food. A lot of the city and country is not doing that well and they are trying to turn things around, but it is not easy. Even if we just walk in the park or hangout at his place, he just makes me feel like everything I say matters, that he hears it, and that I mean a lot to him.
And then he dropped me back off at my place and I have spent the past few hours laying in bed texting my mom and friends. I feel an immense amount of guilt that he spends this much on me. Like I even asked him if he does this for all the girls he dates, and he says no way it's not good dating in NYC and that he usually does coffee or lunch dates at most. It makes me feel so special and I was telling my mom and she said that if it works out, one day we will have kids and it won't matter what happens that he will owe me because that is not easy. When my dad called me the other day, he said that it's because I am in his city, if we met in a neutral city or in BA, he would hopefully be as generous but I would feel more in control. I don't know if I want to though. I know if he visits BA, I would want to show him around and everything, but I like clinging to him sometimes and letting him lead.
I will eventually post a follow-up question because there's so much I don't know how to wrap my mind around. Like if I do try and follow to Miami on a visa, it won't be a work one, so I'll not be allowed to make money and I'd be entirely dependent on him and that makes me feel guiltier. If he visits me, will I actually feel more in control? Do I want or need to? Or am I okay with things if he is okay with it? I also need like sedatives. I don't know how to get urges out of my mind because I never really had to deal with them when I was younger. Even with past boyfriends we didn't do anything more than kiss and I never felt like I wanted to have sex with them all too much.
Also his boss is like a 50 year old lady with kids in college who he admits is like a mother figure for him. She actually turned down his application when he first applied to his company, but when the person they selected backed out, they came back to him even though he was a fresh grad and inexperienced. She's been a corporate finance leader for years and is CFO there. She helped him buy his apartment, wants to start a business and hire him in Miami, and has invited him out to vacations. He thinks it's because she knows he doesn't have family and would otherwise spend Christmas and stuff alone. I don't mean to imply there's anything inappropriate there, I really don't think there is, but I am jealous of her as she's super smart and successful and of him because he has a mentor that pushes him every day while I do not and I don't think any of my peers do. I also have in the back of my mind like why wouldn't he just date someone like himself, someone super ambitious and similar to one of the leaders I work with? Wouldn't he make a lot more combined income and be more comfortable and be able to be fancy every day vs every once in a while? Her husband is also in finance and makes a lot, like he could have that? Why date an Argentinian architect who doesn't want to work for the Gensler or AECOM type companies where you can actually make good money?
Anyway that's my update. Going to go and try and sleep again.