I [25f] have been with my boyfriend [27m] for 9 years. We were childhood sweethearts and there’s never been anyone else for me. We share a child [1f] and I know he purchased an engagement ring several months ago.
For context, in the early years of our relationship we were both immature in different ways and we did split for a few months as he thought he had feelings for another girl. I shouldn’t have taken him back, but I was young and madly in love. To be honest I still am. We hit a turning point five years ago where we seemed to mature and our relationship was bliss. He treated me so well, anything I asked was mine if he could give it. I struggled at times because he’s not intrinsically romantic and isn’t very thoughtful, like he wouldn’t think to buy me flowers or surprise me with a date. But if I wanted something, I only had to ask. Similarly, he was super doting throughout the pregnancy and postpartum.
Recently, we’ve been a bit detached. He had a demotion at the same time that I had a promotion and so my achievement never got recognised, he also forgot my first Mother’s Day due to an argument, ironically caused by his mother. I work full time from home while taking care of our daughter with no childcare, which I have explained to him has led me to be overstimulated and not very romantic.
We talked it out and created a plan together to start making more time for each other and he was going to be more supportive with daily tasks to take some of the mental load off.
However last night he came home from work to tell me that he started sexting a stranger online. I’m devastated. He was open and answered all of my questions but my trust has been broken and I don’t know how to come back from that. I keep thinking about the first girl and how long he’s had the ring and I’m feeling a bit like a place holder. He’s put a lot of energy into this relationship over the years and he is remorseful and willing to do anything to make it right. But I just don’t know what he can do and I’m doubting his sincerity.
We fell pregnant unexpectedly a month after I graduated and so I don’t have a great paying job, but it’s convenient while my daughter is young. I’ve been working on starting my own business while at this job but it’s about a year from being ready to launch.
I love him deeply but feel like I should walk away but I am terrified of being a single mother. Most men stay clear from single mothers. Being a single mum would greatly limit my job prospects should I wish to try and pursue a corporate job and my current job isn’t enough to live off. My boyfriend has said that he understands that he has made a mistake and is prepared to accept the consequences but is also willing to do what he can to fix things. His actions only request is that I allow him to be see our daughter weekly at least and he is trying to offer more in child support than I think is fair as he will have his own living expenses.
I know I should leave him, but he’s my best friend and the person I saw my whole life with. I feel like I will never find fulfilment in my job or love life as a single mother, but how do I even go about rebuilding that trust. I keep having panic attacks because I feel like I destroyed my future by choosing the wrong man to have a child with.