My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years. During this time, I have noticed that he might be insecure. He often accuses me of checking out other people when we're out together. Yesterday, we were at the mall, and I wanted to buy some oversized t-shirts. I picked one that had an image of Tupac's face and a smaller image of him shirtless. My boyfriend said I couldn’t wear that shirt. I’m uncertain about how I feel. On one hand, I don’t think the shirt is a big deal since the rapper is deceased.
(Edited)
I should also mention some other things that he has “not allowed” me to do.
– Go on any vacations with friends or siblings.
– Wear certain clothes that weren’t even that revealing. For example a sundress with my back exposed.
– Go to gatherings with males and females alone. Not parties but for example my friend was hosting a picnic with her female friends and boyfriends friends.
(Edit)
Thank you everyone for all the comments. I am at work so I don’t have time to reply. This is my first relationship and I think that is why I have found it so hard to leave. After talking with friends and family about this I know I have to make the decision to end it in order to live a more fulfilling life and find someone who respects me.
44 comments
Yeah, it’s just a t-shirt
>My boyfriend said I couldn’t wear that shirt.
He’s your 24yo boyfriend, not your dad.
He’s not your dad or your boss. Is he paying you to be with him? No? Why you rolling over for a guy telling you you can’t do frankly ridiculous & innocuous stuff?
*I should also mention some other things that he has “not allowed” me to do.
Go on any vacations with friends or siblings.
Wear certain clothes that weren’t even that revealing. For example a sundress with my back exposed.
Go to gatherings with males and females alone. Not parties but for example my friend was hosting a picnic with her female friends and boyfriends friends.*
Fucking run.
This boy is not worth your time.
yeah he seems like a controlling asshole, leave
Your boyfriend is controlling. And it would only get worse because he feels like he has the right to stop you from doing things. And for that, you are fighting a losing battle. You are an adult. As long as you’re not breaking the law, you should be able to make your own decisions
Time to invest in some shirtless Robin Williams, Bob Ross, Mr Rodgers, Steve Irwin and maybe a SpongeBob idk.
I doubt this is the last time he will control your actions. Honestly, not worth dealing with his brand of bullshit.
Does he has it too big, he pays your bills or has some mutual fetish with you?
Because I can’t comprehend the reason you’ve stayed with him for 3+ years already.
You should’ve had reacted 3+ years ago by throwing him away. You can do it now but what’s the point?
In the end of the day you’ll give us an excuse for his narcissistic and insecure ass.
Run as fast as you can. Seriourly.
Controlling behaviors tend to escalate over time in ways you might not even notice and you can end up in a horrifying situation with no freedom and no one to help you.
You’re young and I’m sure there’s a lot for you to live once you get rid of his constraints, so even if it’s painful to break up, just think about all of the new possibilities you’ll have once you’re able to live freely again.
You’re in a controlling relationship. Not a good partner regardless of whatever good traits he has.
He does not decide what you wear and if you go on vacation with siblings or friends. If he is that jealous and trying to control you I would really think about if this is the guy you want to spend years of your life with.
You miss out on picknicks with friends where there are both male and female friends? Seriously? What gives him the right to tell you where you can and cannot go.
Please think about this because this isn’t going to get better. It will only get worse. Don’t get stuck with somebody who won’t let you live your life.
Run fast, run far. Don’t even give him the opportunity to “talk”, he might try to hurt you.
I’m not trying to scare you but a person that tries to control you on the level he is, is not going to react well when you say “no more”. If you live together, start by taking some important documents, things you don’t need on your day by day and take them with a trusted friend. Tell your friends everything and formulate a plan to escape (yes, your situation has to come to this) when he’s out.
Best of luck and take care.
He’s a tool. You’re not his dog. Tell him to go fuck himself
This dude says you can’t show people your back and you wonder if he might have a point?
As an old married, let me tell you that someone who loves you wants you to be happy. My husband has NEVER banned me from going somewhere/wearning something/travelling with friends/colleagues. Why? Because he’s secure in our marriage and we trust each other. No trust=no relationship.
Don’t put up with this as it’ll get worse.
Tell him fine, but he’s ONLY allowed to leave the house wearing only a yellow thong with flames on the front and a pair of purple crocs.
The crocs can be navy blue if it’s a formal occasion.
Hi, your boyfriend is abusive. Hope this helps.
He’s controlling your life because he is deeply insecure. You are allowed to live your life and have friends. *RUN*.
Why do you need your boyfriend’s permission to do or wear anything?
This is abuse
lol are you listening to yourself?
He’s Controlling, and since you Obey, there is no reason for him to Not escalate
This is literally him isolating you and abuse. You do know that, right?
His controlling will only get worse with time. Please leave for yourself
Check r/abusiverelationships and take this test https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E. Ive had similar experiences. It did not end well. Prioritize yourself. He is not a damn king. He is not the fucking emperor. He has no say in this stuff. He is isolating you.
I’d advise you to get your running shoes on and leg it. Good luck.
Wake up and break up
Nope the fuck out now. Not only is he controlling, but to deny you a Tupac shirt? Over the line.
Wait. I don’t understand something. Are you his property? Is he your legal guardian for some reason? How come he “doesn’t allow” you to do something and you just obediently listen?
Like girl wtf? you know he’s not okay, what is wrong with you?
Y’all are in the most awful relationships for no reason at all… leave this guy Jesus Christ
Wear it anyways. He don’t control you!
“he might be insecure”
Might? MIGHT?!?!
Girl. He’s shown you for THREE YEARS who he really is. You keep ignoring every red flag, and there have been many. Why are you with someone who wants to control your life and is so insecure you can’t wear a T-shirt?
Have some self-respect. Grow a spine and move on. This is a crappy relationship. If you were stupid enough to marry this jerk it would immediately get much MUCH worse. Seriously, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. He has repeatedly shown you who he is and you have remained in denial.
Leave, don’t look back, and cut all ties with him.
I am once again begging people not to stay with assholes.
“Wouldn’t let me.”
One adult does not “allow” another adult to do or not do something. He’s not your father and you’re a grown woman. Do not forfeit your agency for this guy. Be who you are and if he doesn’t like it, he’s not the man for you.
“Allowing” or “not allowing” are for parents, not partners.
Negotiations and discussions are fine. Compromises are always right. But at the end, ONLY YOU get to decide what you wear.
Is this a deal breaker? Only you can decide that. But men who try to dictate what you wear don’t stop at that.
Not *allowed*? Girl, why are you “allowing” him to tell you what you can and cannot do? You are both adults and he is supposed to be your equal, not your parent. And why is he jealous of a shirtless dead celebrity? This guy is waving all sorts of red flags. Pay attention!
Tell him he’d be allowed to wear prints of topless women.
He doesn’t have to like anything you wear. He doesn’t have to wear it. He doesn’t get to make rules for a partner. This is controlling and will turn into abuse if it hasn’t already. I’d personally argue that controlling a partner’s clothing IS abuse. It demonstrates that he views you as an accessory to him instead of as an independent individual who has her own needs and wants. Partner with someone who loves the shirtless Tupac. Honestly that’s a good motto for friends and partners!
The added part is scary. He is isolating you from friends and family?
I think that is abuse tactic step #2
By dumping him. Don’t ever put up with men who want to control your attire. Fuck that.
You don’t need his permission for anything.