To be clear, I am specifically talking about the fear here.
I will probably never really want children, under a set of circumstances that are unlikely to be be brought about, I might be a little in favour of children, but I’m pretty much a hard no otherwise.
This issue is at the core of my latest breakup which is more broadly about her change of her heart on children and my generally poor ability to tolerate uncertainty. Now, the other things are solvable through things like increasing my confidence to deal with difficult situations and believing I can bring about good things, but as a man, I’m shit out of luck and choices at the point of conception.
I’ve tried googling it, but the advice is unhelpful if not rage inducing. One top search result claimed that men who are afraid of unplanned pregnancies are controlling and manipulative and if not that, delusional because they think they have super sperm. Not exactly helpful.
One site suggested that if a man doesn’t want you to have the child when the mother is going to have it, he’ll likely fail you in other ways. Last I checked, I was allowed my own opinion on whether or not I wanted to have a child without being unfit for a relationship.
My ex-girlfriend was pretty much done with me when I told her I was considering a vasectomy to make sure this didn’t happen. This ex-girlfriend having realized she’d prefer to have children whilst dating me, but is not 100%.
A lot of the advice that comes up though is about how to act when this happens and most sites are quick to reduce a man’s feelings to an afterthought.
“You might want to talk about how you’re feeling, but don’t tell the mother. Ask her how she’s feeling.”
And some more plainly stating that your (the man’s) feelings don’t matter.
Anyone got any resources or advice?
Alternatively, how do I lose my big dad energy?
16 comments
Just keep $2,000 set aside. Emergency abortion bribe fund. You just never know
After Roe v Wade is overturned?
That’s tough. Sucks to suck, bro.
Get a vasectomy.
r/childfree
Yes, you will lose partners when you explain to them that you don’t want kids bc most ppl believe that the point of romantic love is breeding. Yes, that is still infinitely better than bringing a life into this world that you aren’t 100% enthusiastic about.
The Missus is post menopause
bro, get a vasectomy ASAP. Fuck dem kids.
Always wrap your package. Always.
I got a vasectomy. The peace of mind would be great if I were having sex at all.
Yea get those feelings over with, and get a vasectomy already. I paid $1800 total for mine 4 months ago, and that included the consultation, prosecute, and post vasectomy semen analysis. Might be expensive for some, but to me $1800 was a small price to pay, compared to the shit storm that I’d get myself into if I knocked a girl up.
Go to r/vasectomy if you wanna ask around, plenty of us in there giving advice
Vasectomy took care of that fear for me.
You have a planned pregnancy. Simple as that.
There are so many questions left unanswered.
Age, how old are you?
How long have you been together? 3months? 10 years?
How did you tell her from the very start that you did not want children? Was it like “I do not want children at all” or was it like “Well I am not sure, maybe one day.”
>Alternatively, how do I lose my big dad energy?
This kinda says it all. You have all this “big dad energy” but you do not want kids.
Be super clear on that subject.
I fear nothing.
Get the vasectomy, your body, your choice! No one should feel pressure to have kids. If you get the vasectomy all your dating options will self select either for or against your decision, which is perfect. You might be surprised how many of the ladies love the idea of dating a guy that’s not a pregnancy risk.
Get a vasectomy.
Sex was made to produce offsprings.
Nature is fucking with your pleasures.
By making sure my pullout game is top notch…
I got a vasectomy. No more fear.