I (F34) and my husband (M38) have been together for 4 years and have two kids.
A little backstory. We recently have had a lot of strife in our family because of a failed family business which I ran with my parents.
Before I met my partner, my parents and I moved overseas together to start a business, I ended up looking after them financially for a few years by taking on a fulltime job on the side, as the first business didn't bring in enough at first. The last year of that business' existence, business was a lot better and my parents took over the bills again, but then Covid destroyed our industry. Although I knew deep down that I didn't want to do this anymore, I agreed to start a new business. They felt like they were too old to be hired for a job, so they need to make a living with a business. Shortly after starting the business I met my partner. Anyway, we ended up closing down.
At this point, bankruptcy was looming. I finally had reached my breaking point after so many years of intense stress. I had a young baby and was pregnant with a second. It made me take a step back and realise how financially and emotionally codependent I had been with my parents so far. I would drown myself in the deepest debt if it meant that they were looked after.
I took a bit of distance from my parents after leaving the business, which I probably didn't go the right way about I just stop messaging them, and taking ages to reply to any of their messages.
My family would send me emotional messages, and at one point, they started to blame my partner. They said they don't recognise me anymore, that they don't like he talks to me, that he's been disrespectful to them, even calling him a red flag. I told my partner about these messages and he was furious. He said they are the toxic and dysfunctional ones, they have put me in debt all these years and he can't believe who would do that to their daughter. He hates seeing me upset whenever they message me, pointing out the guilt trips especially my mom tries to put on. The truth is, I mostly get upset because I know he will get upset and I like to keep the peace with everyone which is impossible.
I told them I have got my own family now and that they need to respect my partner. we lost contact for a little while just got a message out of the blue asking if we can talk, alone.
My partner is raging again that they dare to ask that. He says we're a family unit and they're trying create a wedge between us two.
I have never been in a healthy relationship before, so I'm not sure what's wrong or right anymore.
So my question to you is, does this sound like a overly controlling partner, or am I acting like an immature little girl who is too attached to her parents?
TL;DR: I'm upset that my partner does not want me to talk to my family alone because he wants us to present as a family unit, and I'm not sure whether he is controlling and isolating me, or if I'm immature.