I (21M) have a best friend (21M) or really close friend at college who during the first 2 years things were really hitting off with how we constantly hung out together in groups or ourselves, go to the train together put to and fro and have been there for his rough times (such as during a break up).
However, as time passed, during third year the dynamic between us and the energy he gave off became much more different to the person whom I have known before. It seems like whenever we’re together such as in the train, there’s not as much talking or laughing or jokes or anything as much as what we had before. It’s very subtle, but I can just feel a difference in vibe (if that makes sense).
It’s also worth mentioning that a third guy (21M) became part of our little circle. I don’t mind or care at all and the truth is he has always been around, but now we’ve just made our closeness more apparent such as by him always tagging along. I’ve noticed, however, that he’s much more enthusiastic to be around him, is constantly always looking for where he is and just in general has a much better time. We’ve been to so many events where I swear I have just felt invisible but that third guy is just always with him (because my supposed best friend would always want him to).
Frankly, I don’t know what to do or how I even feel. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong, but why tf would I even be around these guys if I just feel like a loose branch off a tree. At other times, there would always be some conversations or major topics that I just wouldn’t be aware of and it felt like in order for me to be informed about it I would have to chase them up. It’s an awful feeling. It’s honestly like he doesn’t care as much about me before. So, one day he picked up on my behaviour because I would inadvertently show had sad I was. He asked what’s wrong – long story short – I drove off and then later we messaged and I would tell him that I felt we weren’t the same anymore. He would reassure me that he didn’t feel anything different about me and that he was just being withdrawn and tell me that we would talk about it the next day, but that never happened. But, for a very short period of time he tried to make sure I was around and included but it felt very fabricated. He didn’t seem like his usual self and with that one guy as well as other people he just seems so much more enthusiastic and pleasant to he around. After trying to msg me a bit here and there to make sure after class I would tag along with him or to just act the ‘same way’ as he did before, later he just defaulted back to his natural careless state.
You may think I may have done something wrong or that I was pushing him, I can reassure you I’ve done nothing of the kind. One time I just complained about our dynamic not being the same whereas other times we’ve had mutual talks of some minor issues that weren’t bothersome.
My theory is that we’re just not clicking anymore and I’m trying way too hard to make it work. The thing is, it should feel natural. That’s why I don’t want to bring it up anymore. However, I do feel a difference in dynamic to the point that it’s affecting me. If he’s just not into being as friendly with me as before, then that’s that. There’s no fixing it, in my opinion.
My question is: What do I do? Do I start making excuses whenever these guys want me around (if they do) or are looking for me (if they are)? Do I just stop putting in effort? What do I do? I’m just lost and losing my mind, it’s affecting me deeply. I’m in so much anger, sadness and emotion I really am lost.