I'm so depressed about working for no reason though. Life could have gone so differently if I wasn't so stupid and lazy.
I was going to try and get my gun license and start target shooting but I realized it would be really dangerous for me to have guns.
By the time my dad was my age, he already had me, a wife, a job. I could have been so much more, I never worked hard enough and spent too much time trying to be funny and make people laugh.
The world has already begun passing me by. I wish I had a wife to come home to and a son to love as much as my DAD loved me.
I had no idea as a kid just how bad things would get. If my 10 year old self could see the shape I'm in now I know I'd cry my eyes out. I fucked up so bad.i hate this life so much I'm sorry to say.
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Your dad also didn’t have the freedom to complete remake his entire life at 38 with an adult brain and all of his life experiences to decide what he wanted.
Most people follow the “life script” (family, prestigious career field, etc) without giving a second thought if it’s what they truly desire.
But there is an alternative path many don’t speak about, or even acknowledge much. It’s taboo when everyone else missed out by adhering to the life script.
But you took your time, you followed your passion of making people laugh. You let life unfold, and yielded to the opportunities you chose or let go along the way.
It’s made you who you are. You have experience that many others don’t have. What you do with it to make you happiest is likely something you are now best suited to answer.
But your obsession with the life script is misplaced. Do you really even want that, or are feeling FOMO because you can’t do anything that requires going back in time?
They say you should attach your life to goals, not people. Because people can let you down, but goals are personal and can be adapted along the way.
What do you mean by foot in the door here?
Keep in mind you are a man. Can have kids at 50, all you need is good energy, good condition, money and good job with future prospects
On another side a women being 38 has way lower chances to build a family. She is out of options on dating market.
Be grateful you are a man, women have it harder. Much harder
“By the time my dad was my age, he already had me, a wife, a job.”
Not necessarily in that order I hope!
Here’s the thing fella, you can still put your big boy pants on and make up for some lost time. You’ve got about 32 years of work ahead of you to build so retirement savings and other savings. You need to focus on the possibilities for the future for now on in and not what you have or haven’t done in the past.
I feel the same way man. I’ve had treatment resistant depression since I was a kid, and I’ve been working so goddamn hard just to maintain gainful employment while simultaneously coping with constant suicidal ideation and despair. I’m 38 now and I’m absolutely exhausted and I have basically nothing in the bank after crippling medical bills. And I’m alone. I feel like I can’t keep going. And literally no one could possibly care less. Something has to give. All I want now is a place I can just exist and be safe and sleep peacefully with my cat for the rest of my time. It seems like I’ve missed the boat to having a real life. I’m overwhelmed with fear and sorrow about where I am at this age. After my cat is gone, I don’t know what reason I’ll have for sticking around. I would love to just fall asleep holding her and never wake up. It feels like I was a contestant in a big game show that lasted 20 years and I’m finding out now that I’ve lost.
Never too late to re-invent. Be easy on yourself and take small steps. Make a list of realistic goals and read it every day.
The only thing I don’t relate to here is the gun thing, otherwise everything else is as if I’d written this.
I lost my dad to cancer at the beginning of the year and, as much as he said he was proud of me, I definitely wish I’d done more in life by this age. I have been single for far too long, let my weight and health slide, and only in the past too years stuck to a job which, although a good career with prospects, is not what I thought I’d be doing.
So I totally feel you…but there’s nothing stopping us from turning it around. Take it day by day, making small changes. There’s nothing wrong with being funny and making people laugh, though.
Why are you dismissing everything you did? What you are feeling now, is the painful realization that you WANT to change. If you had a wife, job and kid, you might be wondering what it feels to be the life of the party. To have friend, fun memories etc.
Let’s say you find a great women, start a family life, don’t you think you would cherish it WAY more now than if you had it all along and never knew anything else?
You did great, you had fun. Now you want a little bit more and different. Close that story, appreciate it for what it is, what it was. Learn from it and move on. At 38, it’s still very young.
OP, could you elaborate on what you mean by your “foot in the door”?
Also, your dad’s economy was CRAZY DIFFERENT (and much much better than) your economy. Don’t beat yourself up for that. You ever see those memes of the happy family in the top panel saying something like “I am 25, I will get married, own a car and a house, on my 40 hour a week factory job that I will hold for 35 years and retire with a pension” and the bottom panel is the destroyed depressed face saying “Maybe if I donate enough plasma I can afford a chicken sandwich”? That meme reflects the insane economy that you’re growing up in vs. your dad’s economy.