I was raised in a "no-fun-allowed" household. Both parents isolated me from other children, activities/interests I wanted to pursue, and generally disapproved of anything of enjoyment. As such, I became a person who is serious about…apparently everything. People often comment that I am so serious, but I don't even really perceive it that way. On the other hand, I often recoil at others' easy-going attitudes about things and casually approaching work or problem solving. Most painfully, I have spent a lifetime both envying and resentful towards the ability of people to enjoy each other's company and form connections in a light-hearted, fun environment. I know this is because I lack these skills inside myself.
The fact is, I never learned how to play. To me, the only safe environment was in my head, so I basically came up with a fantasy schematic of the entire universe and dissociate about 100% of the time. Inside me an enjoy things experienced by the inside world (thinking about philosophical problems, finding beauty in things, etc.), but the outside me actually has an incredibly difficult time experiencing enjoyment, particularly sharing enjoyment with others. I will note on small exception to connecting the two is humor, coming up with a good joke that other's enjoy (in fact, often times I repeat stories others seem to enjoy and I don't quite understand why).
So my questions is this: how do you play? Specifically, how do you play with others?