Me (30f) and my partner (32m) have been together 2.5 years. Our sex life was amazing in the beginning and then we started getting into arguments often about different topics and of course that made us grow apart intimately.
The main reason: me freaking out about things that would make me insecure and him closing off and not showing much attraction towards me.
Long story short we had a break up of two weeks, over a drunk fight.
We decided to work things out and it was amazing, It felt like the spark was back ( specially emotionally) and we were going on a good path.
But recovering our sex life has been tough.
Today we had a conversation when we finally talked about the topic, we were finally honest about what made us grow apart in that matter, he confessed that he gets turned on by his partner orgasming ( and I have sexual trauma so orgasming for me has been such a hard thing, just to mention that the first time I did was with him at my 28 years old by him going down on me).
So since I couldn’t orgasm by penetration, he confessed that he got frustrated and stopped trying and also just didn’t enjoy sex with me because of it so stopped wanting it anymore.
On the other hand, for me it was that I saw him get more and more distant, rarely wanted to have sex and when we would, it felt like he just wanted to get off, not that he actually enjoyed it. So I felt unattractive and unimportant for him.
I felt super sad and insecure and that made me also not want sex that much.
He also confessed that he doesn’t feel confident sharing with me what he likes in bed ( because in the beginning of the relationship I was very insecure about his past sex partners, which in his words “traumatized him” because I would get sad by him mentioning some sex things) so I am not good in bed with him or I don’t do the things that he likes ( I just found out about this).
At the end we agreed that this is basically a lack of trust in each other, not feeling confident to share what we like and just not being ourselves with each other fearing the other will get mad or judge.
We decided to continue the relationship but at this point I just wonder if there’s hope. If something like this is fixable.
We are both in our prime, and we have the sex drive and everything to be having an amazing sex life, so is there hope for a couple to reignite their sex life and actually enjoy it?
Has someone of you overcome this? And how?
Or is this just a big reason for a breakup , specially when we both actually want to enjoy sex and love and intimacy and we are both frustrated about this topic.
TL;DR: boyfriend and I have not been enjoying sex with each other due to a lack of intimacy and feeling that we can tell each other anything. 2.5 years together. Decided to work it out