My girlfriend 23F and me 23M have been together for 3 months. We have lived together for 2 of them. Before we decided to be a couple we have been very good friends for 7 years. She has lost a lot of weight the last couple of years and this is her main excuse when she explains why she gets incredibly drunk.
I have some form of trauma from loosing my brother to suicide. He was an alcoholic and a drug user. After he died I have been drunk 5 times this was 3 years ago. I can’t stand drunk or drugged people. It scares me deeply.
The last 2 months she has gotten drunk around 4 times. Where she has been unable to answer my calls or texts since she has been too drunk to care or just unable. The first time I went looking for her in the city with my heart in my throat. I was scared shitless the entire time.
Tonight I got a phone from her friend whom she was supposed to go home with. My girlfriend had run away from her friend group and lost her phone. Somehow someone had found her and contacted her friend who informed me that she was incoherently drunk and she needed help. So I drove 1 hour into the city to find her in her friend’s bed passed out drunk. I carried her down 7 flights of stairs and into my car. We drove to the emergency room and took some tests for drugs which came out negative. She had 1.6 in alcohol blood level. ( I don’t know how to convert it)
We spent a couple of hours there and she was crying profusely and told me and the doctor that she did not want to be there and then she threatened with suicide if we didn’t leave. After calming her she seems to have forgotten what she said (suicide) and kept on crying and we couldn’t understand anything she said.
This forced me into a small panic attack ( trauma from brother) after a while I got her into my car and we drove back home. She slept the entire way and I got her in bed. I can’t stand to look at her so I build a “fence” around her with pillows so she has to sleep on her side in case she vomits.
I cannot live with this kind of behavior. The last time we spoke about it she told me she would never do it again and promised to calm her drinking.
I am at a crossroad. I love her to death and I really thought she would be true to her word. I can’t see a future without her in it and I am not the type of person to stay friendly with my ex. I don’t want to break up with her but this behavior opens wounds that tears me apart. I loved my brother with every fiber in my body and soul. She was there to console and comfort me in my darkest times and pulled me out of several holes in which I was lost. She is the first person outside of family and closest friends who has shown me actual love and true affection but I am drowning here.
What can I do.
TLDR; girlfriend drinks to much every time she goes out. She threatened suicide when drunk knowing that my brother took his life. Don’t want to loose her but can’t live with this.