Hello!! I (23F) have had a history of struggling to hold conversations with others, mainly because I consider myself as a person who is entirely comfortable in silence so if a conversation with someone naturally dies or we run out of things to talk about, it does not feel awkward or unnatural to just be quiet until someone conversation-worthy comes up again or to mind. Anyway, I’ve been able to mange this by asking a lot of questions during conversation with others to help it last. For example, a friend might talk about how much they love cars and going to car meets. I pretty much drive the conversation by asking questions like “When’s the last time you’ve been to one?/ What kind of cars do you see there?/ when did you become interested in cars and such?/ Maybe we could go to one together someday!” Etc.
What I’ve noticed is that nobody ever asks me questions.. Out of all of my relationships with others, nobody really knows me other than what i slip in when asking them questions. When i do include a small detail of myself, it’s kinda like they ignore it and only respond to the parts that keep the focus on the. Honestly, it kinda bums me out after awhile because I feel like the relationship and these conversations are so one-sided. 😕 even during texts, I realized i eventually stop responding to my people because they never really express interest in return or the conversation will die if i stop putting in the effort to talk about them.
How do I fix this? Any advice would be great!!
4 comments
If people don’t bother to ask you questions back, that means one of 2 things: 1) they are socially awkward and don’t know how to have a conversation….or….2) they aren’t interested in talking to you
When the other person isn’t engaging you, then there really isn’t a convo…more like an interview or interrogation of sorts! And you can’t “make” people engage or want to talk to you – I’m sorry. If people don’t engage, move on…keep trying to find those that will.
the best rule about talking with others is that there are no rules. Every single human being is different. I’d not worry too much about other people asking or not asking me questions, thats a too specific detail
I see the same trend in my conversations. I am asking questions and the other one answers. But they never ask themself anything. And if I dont ask, the conversation dies down.
It is really iritating. So, I feel you.
Sorry, that I can not help you.
Im socially awkward. It takes me a long time to think of questions to ask sometimes, it’s not that I’m not interested, just my brain needs a minute to catch up in a conversation. And sometimes (with some people) they quickly default then to asking all the questions. Then when someone asks me too many questions in a row it catches me off guard and I cannot figure out how to make it a 2 sided conversation. It’s like I’m playing catch-up.
But I’ve also met plenty of people (and frequently myself) that just get too excited to talk about our own life.
I’m sorry people don’t engage with you, and I hope you get your chance to share and discuss with others your life and passions and anything you want to share.