Hi. It's me. I'm that person. I'm experiencing a brief moment of clarity, so humor me.
I spent my whole first year of college (which socially was off to a very good start and then promptly plummeted) humbled to oblivion by the realization that I'm not halfway as funny as I thought I was. Phrasing this as unkindly as I can, I dreaded playing Forspoken because of the looming "oh god is this what I sound like" realization. I feel the same type of dread when I hear redditors speak.
I was kind of a shut-in in my youth and I'm only getting better now.
I've often gotten feedback that when I'm being social it feels like I am 'putting on a show' and 'performing' even if they enjoyed it at the time. And that's the same way it's always felt for me, but I don't know any other way to do it.
So I'm Struggling. I just don't know how normal people talk. Sometimes when I'm around my classmates, genuinely awesome and funny people, I wonder if I even have a sense of humor to begin with. It's all just repeated jokes and stories and sort of exaggerated talking? (which I've been horrified to realize reminds me of jojo siwa's)
I need to learn to be charismatic to make up for my loser childhood. And just, to never be the weird quiet kid in the class that I was all throughout high school again. But now that I've pulled back from trying so hard, I'm on the other side of the spectrum, I say something and immediately feel stupid for it. I ramble and bore myself as I talk now and I'd love to be able to just bullshit my way through conversation without feeling like I struggle to pull the right words together.
Any help? Advice? Before you suggest it, I'm in Warsaw, there's only one like improv class here and I don't have money for it.