Guys this is kinda long but im DESPERATE, please stick around and offer advice i swear it gets juicy towards the end. The issue is that he tends to leave details out when it comes to the past. I have never been anything but fully open and honest with him, and his ex was emotionally and physically abusive so i dont ask much since its a sensitive topic.
However, something i did find important to know was how long it had been since his last relationship ended/since he last had contact with her since the last relationship was so unhealthy and almost pushed him to suicide, i wanted to make sure i wasnt getting into a relationship with someone that isnt over their ex/didnt take any time to work through the trauma or rebuild themselves, or falling for someone that could never truly be all mine. He claims any time that i ask that they were on and off again but broke up for good in december of 2022. It was june 2023 when we started dating so i figured enough time had passed for me to dip my toes in and at least give it a try. Ofc he just had to be perfect so we ended up falling for each other super hard and super fast so i was all in after that.
HOWEVER, later i found out through some screenshots that they were definitely still at least hooking up in april. i was so hurt but had no idea how to bring it up so i kept my pain to myself amd kept quiet. But last night, i saw messages of him saying that he was at her house 2 weeks into us talking!!!! The texts were saying things like shes his ex wife 4L, hes always gonna have love for her, shes his best friend, reminiscing on the intercourse they would have, that they lived together for a long time (i had NO idea they were living together for ANY amount of time) that he would get back with her if she wasnt toxic. The most recent time they were together (that i know of) is 3 days before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I actually remember he had me drop him off at his friends house that day but apparently him and his friends went to her house after i left. I dont know what to do. technically not cheating i guess since we werent TOGETHER together but holy shit???????
he made me promise to him that i wasnt talking to anyone else and he promised me that i was the only girl in his life at the time for the past 6 months!! I just am in shock Especially because he throughout this entire relationship has been a VERY jealous and irrational individual to the point where its toxic for ME, no wonder i couldnt help but feel like he still wasnt over his ex’s issues every time we fought!!!!! he has absolutely no idea that i know since i found out by going through his phone (say what you want idc i did what i did, and if i didnt i never would have found out hes been lying this whole time.) How do i navigate this situation???? im in love with him and i feel like a part of me died after finding this information out.
We have been dating about a year and 4 months and i always thought our relationship was so deep and intense, we have plans to move in together very soon and hes even told me that he plans on marrying me and has gone as far as even started actually planning things out and asking his mother for a family heirloom ring to give to me. Im shattered. any advice on how to move forward?
Tldr; my boyfriend was still sleeping with his ex 3 days before he asked me to be his girlfriend and has been lying about it this whole time