I’ve been with my current partner for almost a year. I love our sex life. I’m with him about 50% of the month and the rest of the time I’m away in another city.
I want to preface that generally I do feel like he is very attracted to me, and that I know he finds me beautiful and hot. We had a whirlwind romance, and our sexual chemistry was fucking amazing.
I’ve always felt like with my previous partners that my pleasure didn’t matter, when they would finish that would be it. My past partner who I was with for 10 years I didn’t finish with. It would be 2-3 minutes of PiV intercourse and it would be done. I also didn’t enjoy getting eaten out with him (and previous partners too). I felt really self conscious about it, because it felt like a chore to be done. I also had problems with him not flirting with me, making me feel wanted. It was hard and it was one of the reasons I ended up breaking it off with him. When I did try to bring up these things it would turn into it just being a criticism of him, and it wouldn’t really get addressed. It would just be brushed under the rug. I think this has given me some issues that are bleeding into my current relationship.
Now with my current partner, I think we’re starting to move past the honeymoon phase. I enjoy our sex, often times it is kinky and fun. But now Im starting to notice he can be a bit of a selfish lover at times too. When im there (usually for about 2 weeks) I have noticed that he wouldn’t really touch my breasts or bum, or even my pussy. After a week I’d bring it up with him (and I would feel terrible about it, he told me my pleasure is a priority for him. And then after he would not be interested in sex) but it’s something that’s happened again afterwards.
He loves me giving him head. He wants it all the time. Now with sex it’s often him saying “suck me,” and I will, and either he will want to finish in my mouth or just go straight into PiV. Keeping in mind, sometimes it’s a bit of a kink thing. I do like it sometimes. But once he cums it’s done, and I want to also “feel” desired beyond just being a mouth. I want to be touched. I want to feel needed and wanted.
The other day we were getting intimate. He asked me to suck him. I said back to him “can we make out a bit first?” He said of course, but as we were kissing it was obvious he didn’t really want to- they were little pecks, more cutesy. He didn’t put his hands on me at all, he didn’t touch me or try to build that intimacy or desire. I pulled back and asked him if we could have deeper, more romantic kisses. He then got into his head and I feel like asking for these things just ruined the moment. After about 30 minutes I just ended up giving him head to turn him on, then he fucked me and he finished. I wanted a bit more foreplay and to feel needed. He didn’t touch my breasts or pussy or anything at all. Just got his dick sucked and then put it in.
Sometimes after he finishes from me giving him head, he said he wants to “return the favour” and eat me out. But at that point I don’t want it- i feel like he’s had his orgasm, he doesn’t desire me in that way anymore. He says it’s not a chore and he still does desire me. But I know it’s not in that same sexual desire. Is that wrong for me to feel that way?
I feel like when I try to bring things up with him I feel selfish. Like I’m not appreciating his efforts. Is it wrong that I need to feel a bit more desire? How do I distinguish between when it’s okay for us to be a bit rougher, and when I need to have more attention? Am I wrong for how I’m approaching it with him?