This happens to me all the time, whether I'm in a social situation with a friend, a group of friends, or even with my family. It doesn't matter if I'm alone with a stranger or in a group conversation—every time, I can think of things to say and questions to ask, but I find it incredibly awkward to actually speak up.
Recently, I was in a meeting where everyone was confidently proposing solutions and speaking without any sign of nervousness or awkwardness. Meanwhile, I was filled with ideas but couldn't bring myself to say anything. The thought of speaking up and having everyone listen to me is overwhelming. I want to contribute, I can feel the words on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t seem to say them.
I think the issue runs deeper. I've always been seen as a shy, reserved person who doesn’t say much. I see others being outgoing and extroverted, and I want to be like that—someone who isn’t nervous or shy, someone who can just be themselves. But I’m not. My shyness feels like it’s holding me back, and I worry that it will prevent me from moving forward. The feeling of awkwardness is particularly intense—I create awkwardness even in situations where it shouldn't exist. The very fact that I'm the one speaking feels strange to me.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does anyone else have these feelings? How can I overcome this overwhelming awkwardness, shyness, and timidity that’s holding me back?
1 comment
I used to have social anxiety due to growing up in an extremely strict authoritarian household with DV. I thought I was shy and quiet due to my personality but now that I’ve been outside living as an adult for almost 10 years I realize I was socially conditioned that way and I really enjoy people but I fear letting people down or being awkward. As someone who works now in social roles and interacts with many strangers, some give you the energy and some don’t. There are people that are very easy to strike a convo with and others who don’t want to be talked to. I think having low stakes conversations with people you don’t know is a way to start. People at the store, register, over drivers, etc. Existence is really about our connection to people, and many people enjoy connecting through words. I also think American culture doesn’t really have opportunities to practice this outside of school. There isn’t a cafe culture and we are always in a rush or thinking about something. I recently went to an event alone and made a rule to introduce myself to four new people and I did. Two people were really engage with me and the other two were awkward and made me feel like I was awkward. Nothing to do there other than to move on and try to connect to energy that aligns. You can be charismatic by asking genuine questions about the other persons life or interests. If jokes don’t land, you don’t have to tell them again. I think at most people are nice and like connecting