I'm in my senior year, struggling with chronic depression and isolation. Lately, I've been feeling motivated to turn my life around.
Since I was a kid, I’ve been stuck in my four walls with little to no contact with the outside world. This long period of isolation and depression has made me emotionally detached and apathetic. Tormenting.
I flexibly try to socialize with people but I always end up going blank and have nothing come across my mind, jumbling words together that don’t make any sense or just switch to another topic because I can’t let the conversation flow naturally.
it always lefts me feeling guilty. Even my mannerisms and gestures can be unsettling to people.
Making friends has never been easy for me. In middle school, I often felt like an outsider, and the bullying I experienced has had long-lasting effects on my mental health. My difficult childhood has left me with unresolved trauma that affects my self-esteem that had been ingrained into my subconscious mind.
I tried working on these areas of my life countless times and did dozens of researches on how to improve myself in these areas of life. But nothing seems to work out for me. I’ve been floundering for years. I’m stuck in this cycle and can’t figure out how to break free.
Another point I want to raise is that IIt always felt like I have to make thrice as much effort as the average person in everything social related. I've always felt like I'm lagging behind in life, needing to relearn things that others learned ages ago. I'm late to the game, and it leaves me feeling like a failure.
I believe I can improve, but I’m worried that change might not come easily. The path forward seems both possible and daunting.
Even though I’m more self-aware and ready to seek solutions, I still feel lost and unsure where to start. I need help.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar and come out stronger. Seeing positive examples of people who have overcome similar challenges is very encouraging to me. I would be grateful for any advice or shared experiences.