Hello everyone, this is an update to this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1ext2po/should_i_27m_leave_my_27f_wife/
I don't think I've been so grilled in my life but boy did I need it. I think I needed to be beaten down from a place outside of my own head for it to really get through without any excuses or justifications being made up in my mind.
This is very real unfortunately, it is very sad and pathetic and I am very broken and need fixing.
Everyone who has said get a paternity test, he is mine. He couldn't look more like me if he tried but the soon to be ex wife and the other one didn't have sex until he was already born. They were courteous enough to wait for Mr doormat to lay down and open the relationship. Of course they could be lying but I think given she wants to be with him more than me the child being his would be a good way out.
Thank you for the truth and the harsh words, if anyone needs a new doormat I am clearly a prize to behold. I apologise for the length of the original post I had so much stored and wanted to air it all out but for those who read it all, read halfway or didn't read at all but still gave the clear advise of leave. Thank you.
I do need therapy and I need to be alone for a while before I can love again it is coming up to 9 years and that's a long time and you could say a lot of time wasted with false hope that things would improve but I see now it's over. The one good thing to come of it is my son and I see now staying will do him no good in the long term.
I had finished work, picked my son up from my in laws after having dinner as she was out for the day with her sibling. I got him ready for bed and read him stories and he went to sleep.
I could not, I kept reopening the original post looking through the comments all unanimously saying to leave. Recently as 30 minutes ago she came home and I had a brief conversation with her. I said we should split up and she agreed, I said that I hadn't felt respected in a long time and this felt more like a friendship or roommates than it was a marriage anymore. It felt like I was the safe option to hold onto not out of love but for safety and ease. I had thought about all the comments about the effects the continuation this would have on my son and expressed as much. I had felt walked over and disrespected and I couldn't raise my son that way, I can't be the father he needs if I am not the man I should be.
She left and started to get teary before she left which I didn't expect as she had rarely shown much of a care the last time I half attempted to convey my feelings of the relationship so maybe she does care more than I thought but not enough to undo everything that's happened. She has gone to sleep at her parents and I am now alone in my house with my son. Now everything will change but it will be for the better. However long it takes. I'm gonna try and get some sleep.
TDLR: I'm done and it's over. We will divorce.