seeking advice on losing virginity!

hello everyone! this is my first time posting on here and i'm a bit nervous lol just looking for some advice! i'm a female in my early twenties for context and i've still not lost my virginity, in my mind i know it's nothing to be ashamed of but i can't help but feel embarrassed to tell potential partners incase of judgement. thing is, i'm absolutely ready now to lose it and i wasn't saving myself for any particular reason, it just hasn't happened for me. I've been on lots of dates but i always end up freaking out as things get more intimate and end up calling things off with each of the men i've dated. mostly what i'm scared of is the pain, as i've tried to get a finger/ tampon in previously and haven't even been able to do that, it feels like it gets to a certain point about 3cm in and won't go further. i really want to lose it as the longer i ignore the problem the worse i feel about it. what i really would like some advice on is how can i make it as painless/ comfortable as possible? i've considered getting drunk but idk if it'll numb the pain much and i don't want to end up getting kidnapped or anything lol. i have masturbated many times in the past without penetration and have tried to get a finger in when i feel relaxed/ turned on but haven't been successful. I know that lots of lube will be helpful and have also tried that in the past, just wondering if there's any secret tricks/ pain relievers that might help me 🫣 thanks in advance for any advice!