Tl;dr: We broke up since everything in our relationship got broken and damaged us both, but she(f18) wants to keep trying. I(m19) am not sure if i deem it repairable.
So before we committed i know she had issues and wanted to wait with getting official (we never had an official relationship but we were committed to one and exclusive). And after i confessed she told me she wasn’t ready and if i wanted to wait for her. Which i was fine with since i was in love. However after we did commit (about an month after i confessed) we started to have arguments and with time they became more frequent. And almost all of them were about the issues and traumas she developed from past relationships. Which often lead to her disregarding the way i felt, racing pain, not being able to meet needs and even finding loopholes in her own boundaries and much more. Many arguments later i got done with it so every argument i ended up thinking about leaving. (I know it isn’t healthy but i was at a point where i didn’t know if i wanted to keep continuing the cycle or just be alone.) eventually i did leave.
One of her issues was that she had a lot of intrusive thoughts and worries about things. That led to her often telling me about it which caused many arguments so we made a schedule that she would tell me once in 2 weeks on a sunday. But after we ended she wanted to send the things that she thought and worried before we ended so she made a list and sended me.
In that list was mentioned she had a lot of bad thoughts about me (i guessed that already due to the many arguments it kinda put negative vibes between us) but she had so many positive thoughts about others. And she even called a certain behavior of mine cringe even tho i told her in trust and explained it fully. She even had multiple thoughts about other people romantically etc and she has so many doubts if she actually loved me the way she told me. And with the given amount i could already tell i was not on her mind positively at all, compared to all the compliments she had for other people.
Anyways i know i haven’t been the healthiest person towards her so im not fully blaming her but still without those issues it would never lead me to develop adaptive traits. Back in July (3 months after confessing) i kept pushing about getting ready and she finally agreed to. She would’ve started to work on it 1 August but kept making excuses to delay it so eventually she had until 31 December to heal. (It sounds controlling but isn’t, i told her multiple times she could leave any time she wants but since im waiting for her i do need to see that she will actually work on it. Also because she said she got comfy and thought it was okay to delay the healing since i wouldn’t leave)
She keeps wanting to keep working on the relationship and for me to wait until she healed and she will get help soon, but i dont know my trust in her and the feelings i had for her including safe space everything, it got badly damaged due to the arguments. It got even me doubting if she really loves me or not. Im badly in love and can’t see clear in my head. Can anyone give me advice on this? Our relationship is 3 months long.