Here is the original post.
As you can tell by my original post, I like to do things right away. It was definitely a mistake to bring him the note right away, but doing the things I did this morning right away was not a mistake as it allowed me to save my pets.
First, I want to respond to the comments saying I broke up a 2 year relationship over a note and chores. No, I broke up a 2 year relationship because when I tried to come up with solutions to an unequal situation, his response was to yell and try to convince me there was no problem except me. The final straw was when he physically blocked me from leaving the house after he was screaming at me. That is not okay and no one should stay with a man who responds to conflict like that.
The actual update: I wound up texting the post to Natalia last night and she thought it was great. She, like some of you, asked me about the pets. For context, one of the things Steve and I connected on was our love for little creatures. It's why I thought he was such a great guy, because if he could take such intricate care of his lizard, he could do the same with me. I was very wrong. He has one lizard he bought before me and then we bought 2 frogs together. I have a snake I brought with me when I moved in. I was planning on waiting until he cooled down to go grab my things and the frogs and snake, thinking he would never hurt them, but Natalia changed my mind. She said he could get destructive when he's mad and was concerned about the safety of my little guys. I immediately knew I couldn't wait until later this week and reached out for a meeting with the landlord for early this morning.
I wound up facetiming with Natalia last night and we had a long discussion. Natalia is a lawyer and told me that in our state, landlords are required to let me get out of the lease I signed in cases of domestic violence. She also told me that his yelling, gaslighting, and refusing to let me leave are all types of abuse. It's definitely hard for me to sit with that, but the love is respect relationship quiz helped me also realize that a bit more last night. Apparently his constant messaging and control over what I wore and when were signs of abuse too.
Anyway, this morning Natalia volunteered to come talk to the landlord with me alongside my brother. As soon as he heard the word lawyer, he was on top of it and said I could break the lease, but would still have to pay for all of August even though I'm leaving 3 days early. I felt like that was fair. He also messaged Steve to say the apartment needed to be empty for emergency maintenance all day today so I could pack my things. Steve messaged back that he was at work all day and wouldn't be home until 6pm.
When I got into the apartment, it was a mess. He had broken my dishes that I had brought with me on the ground and left the shards laying about. My clothes were ripped up and scattered around our room. It was disgusting and heartbreaking. He left his lizard alone, but opened the tank doors for our frogs and my snake. Luckily the frogs were still chilling in their enclosure, but my snake had gotten loose. This made me the most mad, as she could have gotten cut on the broken plates. I feel so fortunate that she was just hiding in the closet corner and I was able to pack her up safely in her enclosure again. All my things are packed and I'm writing this as my brother drives me back to my friend's house right now.
Natalia told me that she actually left 3 notes, one in the cabinet, one on the underside of the vacuum, and one in the crumb catcher of the toaster. While we were there, we checked to see if the notes were still there. The one on the vacuum was but it looks like Steve did clean out the crumb catcher at least once in the past 5 years. He never told me he had already found a note in our conversations, so it caught me by surprise.
Natalia and I left the vacuum note as is and replaced the cabinet one. I wasn't comfortable leaving my name on a new note, so my addition was a handout on healthy vs unhealthy relationships and a qr code to the quiz that woke me up. (I'll put it in the comments, I'm not sure if I can have an outside link)
Natalia said if he didn't find the notes in those 5 years, especially after the move, he probably won't find them again. I'm inclined to agree, especially given he did find one but then didn't even clean the rest of the house to see if there was anymore. Steve doesn't make sense to me and seeing the state of the apartment really woke me up to the fact that I have no idea who he is. The Steve I knew would never put animals in danger, but I don't think I really ever knew Steve.
To the people saying it's pathetic that I broke up my relationship because of chores and reddit, I encourage you to reflect on the subtle ways that abuse starts. This reddit thread woke me up to it and gave me the resources to get out safely before it got any worse.
I also made an appointment for a therapist. I'm very lucky that my job has good insurance so I should be able to work through this relationship and am hoping to focus on boundaries and my people pleasing habits so I never find myself in this situation again.
To the people wishing that Natalia and I would get together, we had a good laugh about it. Natalia is engaged to a wonderful man who cleans, listens, and reflects. She said there's a phenomenon that when people break up with their awful ex, their soulmate can quickly follow. I'm hoping that's true. Regardless, I do think I got a good friend out of this, especially since Natalia is a snake mom too.
This is my final update. I hope if you learn anything from my experience, it's that abuse doesn't start right away. First there's love bombing, gifts, and pretty words. And then slowly, they test how much you'll put up with. You should never have to put up with anything, especially moldy freaking plates.
TLDR: After ending things due to his behavior, Steve destroyed our apartment and let my snake loose, but I was able to get off the lease and get my things with Natalia's help. Now I am safe and am looking for a new place to live.