Here's some ways to describe this:
Sometimes negative people will have rare moments of being a positive influence in us in some way, and totally deny being that influence if our behaviors reflect that influence.
Here's some scenarios of how this is:
| Something somebody says to me | how it influences me to think or behave | notes |
|---|---|---|
| So somebody asks if I know their cousin, who I turn out to know | I show appreciation for that cousin | the person who brought up the cousin pretends like they never even knew the person to begin with. |
| somebody tells me to keep my gas tank above a quarter tank if it's winter time | I explain how I have additional reasons to do so, and how they inspired me | they come off somewhat evasive by the time I show the formal feedback. |
| somebody says that I should "save up my money" | I look for deep discounts, and buy Costco-style (buying in bulk) to be ahead of repeat purchases. | I get criticized for "spending too much", as if the people who told me have no concept of timing. But the "too much" they criticize me for, is meant to be referential to future repeat purchases that are all merged into buying them all in one sitting. |
The "social skills" I was taught as a kid, often involved a commitment to honest, such as "do not lie".
people put me through rigorous lectures about "stopping distance" as a reason to drive safely|I talk about additional reasons to embrace the stopping distance|then they complain about leaving a "gap" in the traffic flow.
Sometimes I feel as if people are "lying" when they totally deny something that they said, especially if what they said was a big influence on how I behave.
it's like, some people don't have to be "told what to do" to learn some things, because they compute lots of other variables to understand it.