Hi everyone. Talked to a few close family members and friends about this situation, and they all have been immediately worried about my safety and well-being around a relatively new friend/classmate I made at the beginning of this year. It’s really starting to make me anxious at school/around this person, so I thought I’d hopefully get some unbiased advice on what to do (although S/O fam + besties, I know y’all always just looking out for me).
I’ll try to condense this as much as possible, but a lot of details have happened since I became friends with this person. For starters, we had the same class together where she sat next to me & we hit it off from there. We did start hanging out pretty fast, and at first – I was super happy to have made a friend in the program I am in. I do remember one occurrence that did turn my head – during the first week of school, we were texting here and there (mostly about school and assignments). The weekend came around and I didn’t think to text her (honestly was busy and am not a big texter myself, but as being newly friends also didn’t feel super comfortable yet). She double texted me “asking if I was okay”. My gut instinct did feel weird initially, but I thought maybe she was just overly nice and caring. Next, at our third or fourth hangout outside of school, she basically made me change her contact name to have emojis such as hearts and “things that reminded me of her” as well as put a contact picture for herself. I tried dodging it, but she initially started by changing her contact for me and so I just sat there, and she turns and says “Ok, what emojis do you think of me?!” and I felt super uncomfortable. Looking back, I should’ve been more stern and told her it didn’t make me comfortable to change our contact names/pictures since we had just met each other, but I just was caught off in the moment and didn’t know what to do.
Moving on, after 1-2 months of being friends—she continues to want to text everyday, has become super clingy and repeatedly asks if “I’m all good” if I don’t respond in a timely manner in her eyes (we’re talking like within 30 min-1 hr), wants to walk into class/leave class together, and is quick to call me names like “sister” or “sis” in place of my real name (again, I don’t feel like we are that close at this point in our friendship). She also started doing this thing EVERYDAY when I show up to class where she points out either my shirt, pants, both my pants or shirts, or even down to the drink I’m holding and says “Omg I ALMOST wore XYZ today” or “Omg I ALMOST got a venti matcha today”??? The first few times, I did say like “No way???” but after she did it every morning before class, I truly did not know how to respond…. I just think if we were so similar, wouldn’t we have actually pulled up “matching” by now? (This outfit thing is very prevalent in recent times so ***) In this same time frame of knowing each other (1-2 months), she would share super traumatic events with me in her life — however, she would tell me abruptly mid day after class, at the gym, or in the library. I do feel for her, but will admit it did made me feel uncomfortable as I was not ready to hear the news randomly throughout our day (mind you people are also around), and I didn’t know how to respond as again, I do not feel we are close enough. From a few of these instances, I do feel like she grasping at anything for my attention.
She also excessively hypes me up to the point where I really do not know what to say. I have many girl friends my self, and trust me when they are girl’s girl and do hype me up! But I have never felt it be excessive in the way she does it. For example, one time she was starring at me and then realizes, she breaks her stares and comments “You know what… you have perfect thighs… not too skinny not too thick…” Again, I was left speechless and uncomfortable.
Another item of importance, she wasn’t initially planning on taking summer classes b/c her fam was going on a long trip out of the country, however when she realized I was— I did notice that she began to find more possibilities to take classes herself. Apparently the long trip out of the country randomly got canceled??? So she signed up for the exact two classes I was in at the time. I ended up dropping one, so of course she did too. She then kept complaining about having to take summer classes and having no motivation for it, so I simply asked her why she signed up. She said verbatim “Because I have FOMO and I want to be with you.” ??????????? We are grown 24 year old adults and you cannot be dropping money for classes just to physically be with someone! This is where I started to feel really weird…
The summer course rolls around and she continues to wait for me to walk into class, wants to leave at the same time, and is still as clingy as ever. She was also texting me 3 days after we had just seen each other “Miss you…” & I wouldn’t respond bc I didn’t feel the same way! So she would triple text until she finally got a response out of me. Again, a few times I told her that I am not a big texter at all. I was starting to feel super suffocated. Anyways, one class day rolls around where I did have to run after due to some plans, so I left class before she did. However, I made a point to turn to her and told her to have a good weekend. She texts me an hour after I left that she “noticed I rushed out of class and if everything is ok…” which again only made me feel even more suffocated. I was short with her and told her I had plans. I continue to leave class early to really put my foot down and to drop a hint.
This only made her spiral. She texted me asking why I’m dodging her, that she noticed the shift in energy has changed, that she really misses me as we haven’t had time to spend together (again we have classes 3x/week together and she had JUST saw me!!!!), and just is spiraling. I told her that everything is fine and that I just needed to leave class early. I asked her why she feels the energy has shifted as I do not feel so. She then makes a point that I left early “as if I don’t want to walk together…” and made it super personal and would not take my word that everything was ok. So I finally sent her a long text essentially putting down my boundaries and telling her that I do not have the capacity to be friends in the way she needs me to be, I am not a texter and have told her that a few times, and that we both have so much going on outside of our adult friendship to be so wrapped up in each other. I also told her that it was feeling a bit co-dependent and I was feeling suffocated.
She responded that she did not feel like she is being co-dependent and that she cherishes “the bond we have from the bottom of her heart” and some other gibberish. Again, I do not feel like we have a “bond” as we really just have met.
Class is obviously awkward after this and we kinda aren’t really talking at this point. She is physically touching me at this point to get my attention, scooting her body/chair in my direction, and just trying to get as physical close to me as she can. I’m super upset at this point bc I don’t feel like she is respecting my boundaries and now invading my personal space.
Moving on, she had a family member passed away so I did feel for her & texted her about it. We agreed to lunch and although I was super anxious if I wanted to open the can of worms up again, I did feel super bad about her recent death in her family so I gave it shot. Lunch went ok and we just talked about classes for fall semester. From our conversation, we had completely different class schedules. She was maybe considering taking one class, but from our convo, it seemed unlikely. We part ways and she texts me that she registered for the class I was also taking and I was kinda disappointed but tried to be positive.. again caught me off guard.
School starts and we have that class together. We grab a quick bite after and I bring up our recent text fight just to clear the air in person. She proceeds on telling me that it “messed her up for a long time” and she would “re-read my text over and over again til the point she had to delete the text for her mental sake”. Again??? Why do I make this girl feel such a type of way?? Anyways, we hash this out and I’m still firm on my boundaries. We ride back to school and she’s debating on taking a math class with our program or at another school. She’s also debating if she wants to add more load on to her plate as she’s also doing a masters program outside of this program. Nowhere in this conversation does she mention the two classes I’m enrolled in. I try to give her advice as a friend on what to do, and mistakenly in passing told her I was taking a science class at another college since it worked better with my commute. Again, she doesn’t make any comment on it or that she was ever planning on taking this science class. We part ways and goes home, she sends me a screenshot of her confirmation email for the EXACT science class I am at the same school I was enrolled in and goes “WOO I’M REGISTERED!!!” ?????? I was so dumbfounded and upset that she may be relapsing to her clingy/codependent tendencies. Then, the next morning, she invites herself to enroll herself into ANOTHER class I am taking, when she was so sold on the fact that she was going to take this class next semester. So now we have three classes together ;(
It’s the first week of school with our three classes and she has totally relapsed. She wants to know my every move on campus, wants to sit next to each other in classes, saves me seats, and continues to make weird comments like “you really focus in class… I was thinking today wow how can I focus like you”. It makes me feel like she just watches me in class. She also is doing the outfit thing again, and as I walked in goes “NOT US MATCHING!” and I did not feel like we were at all… we just so happened to both wearing sweats but everyone in class were also wearing sweats/hoodies LOL. So I was responded “not really” and she goes ******* prevalence of outfit scenario***** “well I know you have birkenstocks and I thought you might wear them so I was gonna but they hurt me feet”???? WHAT??? It feels like she wakes up each morning thinking of me and what I’m wearing and how she can match it. She also went through the hurdle of asking two students to change seats in lab so she can sit next to me.
I’m so pissed at this point that I can’t even be civil with her and want to cut off being friends bc she cannot respect my boundaries. So I didn’t talk to her in lab yesterday, and she started physically touching me, getting close to me, and following me in lab again!!!! She was stalling after lab to try to leave with me and then pretended to go to the professor to talk to him, so I used that opportunity to leave and her head wasn’t even focused on the professor, but watching me as I left. I got to our other class at the other college and she saw me and peaked her head forward to watch me walk down the hall.. but didn’t say a word.. I made it a point to not sit by her in this class and she whipped her head around looking for me in class. After class, she packed up her bag and just stood there like “🧍🏻♀️” as people were leaving (again stalling to walk out with me). So i tried to take longer, and she just stood there with her backpack strapped not moving. She then does the same thing where she pretends to talk to the professor, so I run out, and then she CUTS the convo off with the professor and runs out behind me. I immediately got on the phone with my mom and just walked to my car and didn’t look back.
Sorry for the long post, but I feel like the details are significant in the story. I’ve become very anxious at this point and truly do not know what to do. I do not want to be friends with her at all, but am not sure if she is mentally stable so I don’t know how to go about it. Any and all advice would be appreciated, thank yall so much in advance 🫶🏽
TL;DR: Friend I made at the beginning of the year has become super clingy, wants to text/talk everyday, wants to know my every move, wants to be physically close to each other at all times, has made weird comments concerning the appearance of my body (i.e., “you have perfect thighs…not too skinny, not too thick), says that she “almost wore” an item of clothing I am wearing everyday. She will text me if “everything is ok” if I don’t respond in a timely manner even though I have told her a few times I am not a big texter. She has now gone to the point of switching into all the same classes I am taking behind my back, and never bringing it up in person until AFTER she is enrolled. She has gone as far as following me to a different off-campus location site to take a class. Has mentioned she takes classes because she “has FOMO and wants to be with me”. Looks for me in class and goes through hurdles of asking other students to switch seats to be next to me. & this is just scratching the surface .. I am very anxious at this point and do not know what to do. I do not want to be friends at this point but am nervous she isn’t mentally stable