For context, we have been dating for a little over a year and are currently long distance, and we have been LD for the majority of our relationship.
Last week, my bf had drinks with 2 coworkers at his apartment (27m and 21f). They were originally planning on just pregaming at the apt and going out from there, but they ended up staying in all night. They were basically drinking all night.
At about 4 am, the 27m coworker left to go home. My bf and his 21f coworker wanted to stay up later, however. At this point, my bf’s roommate had arrived home and had gone to sleep. In order to not keep the roommate up, my bf and his coworker decided to continue watching movies in his bedroom instead of the communal living space in the apartment. It was apparently the coworker’s idea to keep watching movies.
My bf’s bedroom has a television in it, but it doesn’t have a couch or chairs so if they were watching something it would have had to be on his bed. Also, my bf insisted that this coworker stay the night since she was drinking and had driven to his place. He said she slept on the couch and I have no reason not to believe him.
I feel hurt by this and feel like it crossed a boundary for me. My issues with it are that he could have called her an Uber, and he could have refused her suggestion to continue watching movies after the roommate came home. They could have at least continued to watch stuff in the shared living space but just at a lower volume.
I don’t like the thought of my bf drunkenly watching movies in bed with a younger coworker of the opposite sex, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t know this coworker and I barely see him. To be fair, he did mention this to me but did so in a super casual way – he just kinda slipped it in mid convo. However, I’m not feeling casual about this at all. Am I crazy for feeling this way?
TLDR: My LDR bf drunkenly watched movies in bed with a female coworker and it made me uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting since he told me the truth. Is this even a big deal?
4 comments
He didn’t break any rules unless you’ve explicitly told him not to do that. So, if you have a problem with him because you don’t trust him or feel too territorial, you should probably take a look at that. But you should also communicate that to him.
This isn’t a question of “who’s in the wrong”, it’s just an opportunity for you to explore your feelings and maybe do some growing, and for the two of you to better communicate boundaries and expectations.
He told you the truth and nothing happened – so that says it all! That being said I’d be uncomfortable with the setting just as you are. I’d talk about it with my bf. It’s nit a boundary unless you set it beforehand
you barely see him?
he cheated. you dont have to explicitly define each and every scenario that makes you uncomfortable. this one’s incredibly obvious
I don’t see anything wrong with what happened. I’ve definitely watched movies in bed with friends when space was limited and then slept on the couch. It was absolutely platonic and I had zero interest.
If this is upsetting to you then you need to have a conversation. Aside from maybe the bed thing, I don’t see her sleeping on the couch as weird and think he should have called her an Uber. That’s pretty normal.