I (25F) have been with my partner (24M) for 3 years. We have two kids together (yes back to back babies. No they were not planned). We moved in together shortly after finding out.
Atp, I’m frustrated with his behavior. I feel like I can deal with and forgive a lot, but when it comes to our kids, I am very protective. Please tell me if I’m expecting too much or if I need to compromise because he makes it seem like I ask for the moon, stars, & the galaxy, when I feel like I’m just asking for fairness. For more context too, I’m a stay at home mom and he works to provide for us. His job also isn’t a physical job, he has an office desk job. He also isn’t a CEO or hold any top position.
Here are a few instances that’ve happened recently that have me like wtf. Please tell me if I'm not being understanding or how I should react.
I asked him if he could please grab our oldest kid when they woke up. He went, took them, changed their diaper, and then lets them walk around in our room. Then he gets back into bed & goes to sleep, as if our kid isn’t hungry and needs interaction. So that leaves me to have to get up anyway to get our kid breakfast.
(I asked him to do this because I’ve been having a lot of pain due to a procedure gone wrong, which he is aware of. Just to add, I get up with our kids every single day. Every weekend. He sleeps in till whatever time he wants, literally can be even till like 3pm.)I've asked him to please text me whenever he plans to stay later at work. Not to ask me, but just give me a heads up so I know and can plan when to start dinner, when to eat, or just if I have to do the night routine on my own. I don’t mind that, I would just like to be aware of it instead of waiting around. He says that’s too much work
*** Also, mind you, during all of this, my first dog that I had staying with a family friend died. He was so young. Also, I’m only a few months postpartum, so still adjusting, but I won’t even use that as an excuse. ***
He had unfollowed a girl on Instagram that had disrespected me and our relationship, many times. She was just straight up mean to me and would talk badly about me to others. She wanted my fiancé. He unfollowed her because I felt uncomfortable with him interacting with her. That was probably like a year and a half ago. Just this week I had seen that he had followed her again. When I asked him about it, he said that his friend wanted him to see something on her profile and when I asked why his friend couldn’t screenshot it and send it, he replied that he could do whatever he wanted to. No apology, no more of an explanation, nothing. He then spent the majority of the day not speaking to me and when I tried to brush it off and make normal conversation, he was acting sad, like I had done something wrong
He typically gets in a bad mood whenever I say no to any intimacy. Again, I’m a few months postpartum and had a procedure after gone wrong that left me in lots of pain. He tries to suggest other things, but I’m in pain, dealing with two kids basically on my own for majority of the time, and have no drive at this point, so I typically deny. He lashes out with comments saying “I’m just going to cheat, I have no choice” or “I’m just gonna start watching p*rn again”. He later apologizes for it, saying he said those things in frustration in the moment.
There’s more, of course. Like the fact that when he does come home late from work, he sometimes won’t even talk to me or interact with our kids, just showers and goes to bed and avoids us. He later then gets upset that I never greeted him or approached him. It’s somehow always my fault.
But please, like am I just viewing things in the wrong light? I try to understand him and communicate everything, but he’ll get super quiet and not communicate his intentions or he’ll let out an exaggerated sigh and fakely apologize. He says I nag, whine, and complain too much. All of that, and he still tells me that he isn’t going to leave me and that he’s stuck with me, and believes that I take advantage of him because of that. I’m genuinely so tired. Our youngest doesn’t sleep through the night yet, so I’m constantly up with them, and don’t sleep much anymore. I rarely speak with attitude or in any manner that isn’t calm because I know tone is huge when communicating. I’m just exhausted.
TL;DR: My partner doesn’t carry his fair share of parenting and lacks in communication. He says I ask for too much and that I don’t meet his needs, which to then he says harsh or make unnecessarily rude comments. Am I being too sensitive? Am I expecting too much from him and need to come to terms that these are my responsibilities?