We’re traveling with my boyfriend (29M) his brother and his partner. We went on a cruise and got extremely drunk. I have a good tolerance generally but yesterday for the first time I blacked out.
I don’t remember how I got to my cabin and I woke up naked. Didn’t think too much about it because I had to rush and leave the boat that had arrived at our destination. My boyfriend was sleeping in the twin bed next to me.
We start driving down and at lunch we have a moment alone and he tells me he fucked me while I was unconscious. He came in me and didn’t clean up afterwards. He starts laughing as if it was a really funny joke and I nervously giggle not knowing how to react.
He says to me: “You like it right?”
At this point I’m realizing I feel disgusted and dirty. I had realized I was wet during the day and didn’t understand why. When he sees that my reaction isn’t positive he gets mad. He expects me to find it funny. When I ask for space he gets annoyed.
For the rest of the day I’m holding back tears and he’s started to realize he fucked up. I’m still so hungover and the group situation means I’m putting up an act as if everything’s okay.
I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. I lost my credit card yesterday too.
He has had sex with me before while I was sleeping. I have consented to this and also I can stop him if I want to if it happens. But this feels so different. I couldn’t say no and I hate the fact that he came inside of me and didn’t clean up. I feel like so disrespected, mostly too because of how he expects me to find it funny.
The time difference with my home country means I can’t talk to anybody. I’m at a loss on how to process this. Any advice is welcome. Thank you for reading.