How do I actually make connections with people?

I’ve been friends with people, dated people and everything. But I literally don’t understand how to actually feel connected or understand another person. Even when I think I’m close to someone. I still feel weird. Plus, I’m not silly goofy mentally ill so if I am truthful, I feel like a freak. So they get weirded out if I just wanna be honest, or they take it as a joke and move on. (I was homic1dal/ still issues but not as much). I feel like someone just put a wooden plank INFRONT of me and the person. Just with that alone, im stuck and unable to get them. I just wanna understand another person.