I’m f30, I’ve been with my bf for 2 years and I’ve recently been having a strong urge to cheat on him although I don’t want to hurt him but it’s been torturing me from the inside… I tried to open up to him about my feelings but he took it very personal, he thinks that he can’t please me sexually… which is not true I just need the excitement of someone new.. I’m really torn, I don’t want to break up with him, I’m in love with him but my body is screaming for a new experience. I’m so frustrated !! I’m really scared of doing something I will regret my mind won’t stop with the fantasies I can’t control it.. what should I do ??
19 comments
i think ur not ready for a relationship, and u truly dont love him if u want something new, seems like u got bored of him
dont string him along just break up
staying is going to make it worse ur wasting his time cos its not fair for ur bf to be in a relationship with someone who is bored of him
Break up with him if you feel this way; it’s not fair to him.
Go take a look at r/survivinginfidelity read a couple of stories of folks who have been cheated on by immature, lost souls like you and ask yourself if it’s a good idea. Have some courage, ditch the cowardice and break up. It’s absurd that you are even considering this let alone asking if you should? The classic cake eater wanting it all regardless of how it would impact others.
~~have you considered that maybe you’re polyamorous? some people just aren’t cut out for monogamy. just be aware that your boyfriend likely is monogamous and wouldn’t take kindly to trying to open the relationship. honestly, he’d be well within his rights to break up with you over it, since this could end up being a major incompatibility.~~ it could also just be some kind of early midlife crisis that you need to just get over. if you have access to therapy, you could see if a professional can help you break down WHY you’re having these urges and help you get around them.
unfortunately, other than either just fighting through it / getting over it or opening the relationship, the only other option is to break up and chase new people as a single woman.
edit: with further context, i no longer want to present polyam as a possibility. that’s definitely not what’s happening here
Your brain is telling you what you want, listen to it or you’ll have issues later.
Leave him if he’s not enough for you, which clearly he isnt
simply put, sometimes these thoughts creep in when interest is lost in your partner. maybe a relationship isn’t the best move right now
Why not try some [exciting new positions in bed](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/uwzjt1/comment/i9us80f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)?
My wife has multiple orgasms in a fuck session (I’m talking in the dozens), and I recently gave her her first female ejaculation! So I like to think some of this shit works.
There’s also a lot of testimonies from other Redditors who agree with most of the advice on there.
Check it out. It might save your relationship.
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Then don’t be in a relationship
Looking at your post history you have been wanting an open relationship for some time. Your boyfriend got angry when you tried to go on a date so you know he is not on board with it. 2 weeks ago you posted a personal ad for black men. Cut your boyfriend loose. He doesn’t deserve the heartaches that are in store for him with you. You don’t want to be monogamous and that is fine for you but don’t lead him on thinking he has a relationship with you.
Is this AITA ’cause you are most definitely an a hole. Why don’t you go chase new and shiny until you drop and leave him.
Yeah. Women can be new relationship energy vampires
You’re talking about a feeling you don’t choose to feel. You were honest about it with him, and you are in pain because you have to choose between your “drive” and your relationship.
The statement that you wont miss new encounters if you love someone is bullshit and I’m so tired of people assuming everyone psyche works the same, specially with something as subjective and subconscious related as sex. It has nothing to do with polygamy, you can feel like this while loving the intimacy of monogamous relationships. we aren’t as perfect as society rules expect of us, we are rather contradictory and conflictive. It’s not what your shadow makes you desire what makes you a loving partner, its how you resolve it.
I understand the struggle.Its not just about horniness, it’s an issue that fucks with your sense of freedom and it can makes you insane. Keep being honest with him and weight how big of a sacrifice is to be exclusive. He defined his limits and your defining yours. Once you have weighted it right, it will still be a recurrent thought in case you decide to continue your relationship, but you will stop feeling like you’re not free because you made a free conscious choice. If you feel is too much of yourself to sacrifice, the best is to end of course.
Don’t think you really love him if you want someone new. I think you just like the idea of living him.
Break up with him, he deserves better.
Honestly op just read some of your other posts and to leave out you are in a semi open relationship and have also expressed other details, makes me feel like this is misleading.
Why is it so attractive? What is it about cheating on someone you love, who makes you happy in bed, that is worth ruining it all? Why does “new sex partner” seem so appealing to you, when you don’t even know if they’ll be good? You don’t even know if they’ll be a crazy stalker, or maybe your birth control will fail and you’ll get pregnant, or they’ll actually be married and their spouse will catch you and beat you up! And on top of that, you hurt the person you’re with and put him at risk of catching STDs from you and your random new flings, and you will probably end up losing him completely. Why is new dick worth all of that bullshit? Seriously. I do not understand.
Break up with him. You idiot