I (21F) am feeling incredibly upset and angry at my ability to perform during sex (use the word perform lightly, trust me, I’m not a star).
Throughout my teenage years, I had a very good relationship with sex (and masturbation). I had great sex lives with my ex partners and I always found it adventurous and exciting. I am super sex positive as well, advocating safe and healthy sex as a means of fun and passion.
I have been in a relationship with my partner (M23) for almost a year. The relationship before that, despite the sex being red hot, was abusive and I am now on antidepressants due to it. This experience not only affected my ability to cum for months but also how I view myself and sex.
My current partner and I have sex twice a month or so (we are long distance) but I do not feel confident or satisfied when we do this. He’s great- he communicates and tries his best to do what we both enjoy. He looks after me and really really tries. However, I do not feel that sex is fun for me anymore.
I want it. I really do.
But when it comes to it, I don’t like it.
I don’t like how I sound, how I look, how it feels.
And one of the worst parts is that sometimes I don’t even want him to touch me.
I still get aroused, like when I’m alone or when we kiss sometimes but most of the time, I just don’t feel a lot.
I’d much rather perform oral sex on him than have him do anything to me.
Sex has always been ‘my thing’. I’ve been described as an ‘excellent shag’ by previous sexual partners (for the not British, it means great in bed) but now I just…I don’t think that’s true anymore.
I cannot stop crying about this because it’s so hard for me considering I really value and appreciate sex in my relationships.
What are some ways I can overcome this?
Has anyone experienced similar?
Thank you.