My boyfriend and I had a big argument the other day as I found out he has been getting off to pictures of nude women on reddit when he has my nudes. I felt really betrayed and I knew he watched porn and don’t really have an issue with this because I do occasionally & I feel as though it’s different from nudes of other women when you can easily get those from me. He said he does it twice a day everyday so that’s like hundreds of women.
During the argument his reasoning was that he felt weird asking me for them & didn’t know if i was comfortable sending them which is just ridiculous because i’ve sent him loads before (he’s never asked me for them though). It just made me feel sick to think he’s doing that to other women, it made me feel like i’m not sexy enough for him & he would prefer to get off to other women and somehow they’re better than me. I’ve never been made to feel that way before and it’s just horrible, for my boyfriend to make me doubt my attractiveness and sex appeal.
We kinda made up but i don’t think i’m over it and when he was apologising to me I don’t believe him or trust him. I feel like now i’m constantly thinking about it, even when we are doing sexual things together. He said to me in the future he will ask me for nudes because he knows i’m comfortable and he would like to have them. When i was really angry the other day i deleted them all in our chat and he’s not asked me for any more & I’m thinking of asking him i he’s been using them to try to see if he’s lying to me. But I feel like im trying to catch him out and i know that’s unhealthy toxic behaviour but i don’t trust or believe that he’s going to use my nudes. Aswell i find myself thinking he’s definitely had a wank by now since he said he does it twice a day and he’s not asked me for nudes. I feel like i’m going crazy.
I have been thinking will I be able to move on from this, it has made me feel really disgusting and betrayed that he’s been doing this for the 7 months we’ve been dating. This is my first relationship aswell so i just don’t know what to do. The argument happened the night before last, last night i told him i still don’t feel over it and he was just kind of like it seemed resolved for him, (even tho he’s not the hurt one). He was also asking if there’s anything he can do to make me feel like i can move on from it but i just don’t know if i can.
A very good friend of mine gave me the advice that he didn’t know this was a boundary of mine so now i’ve said it is , if he was to do it again then that’s the issue. But a part of me thinks is he stupid because why doesn’t he know that’s not okay to do when you’re in a relationship?????
TL;DR – My boyfriend was getting off to nudes of women from reddit and I can’t get over it and as a result am thinking of breaking up.