Ever since i was a child i had social anxiety, however when i was 15/16 ive decided to do smth about it, by saying yes to whoever asked me to hangout. In that time i met alot of people, some became my close friend, and some a little questionable (they did drugs, and fighting with other “gangs”). I didn’t care because my goal was to be able to socialize with anyone, but tbh i hated every second of it. This continued for a years, as I kept saying yes to everyone, at some point i forgot my goal n just got used to saying yes to people whenever they asked. (Even tho i hated it)
At some point i remember telling myself i dont have socially anxiety because i am able to go out with anyone.
Fast forward to last week at university: there was a debate in class with the professor as the moderator, and I was in the audience. One side was spouting a lot of bullshit, so I spoke to rebuttal. However, while speaking, I realized my hands were literally shaking. I didn’t show it, but I was shocked because I thought I had already fixed this problem. Afterward, I tried to recall if this had ever happened to me before, and the answer was yes. Whenever I have a question to ask in front of class or am about to approach someone I don’t know, my heartbeat increases. However, I always do what I have in mind anyway meaning if there is someone i want to speak to, I will even tho i wont be comfortable, that is why i thought i didn’t have social anxiety because i always went through with it, but I have been lying to myself I honestly cant think properly when im around new people and i literally start shaking if its a big group like in class.
I don’t know how to fix this problem. I wish I could be comfortable with public speaking. I can do it, I’m good at taking a leap of faith; however, I get super nervous while doing it and can’t be myself. No matter how much I expose myself to those situations (exposure therapy), I’ve been putting myself in uncomfortable situations for years, and still internally, I still feel like I’m going to explode every time I encounter it again.
let me know how you have overcome this plz im desperate for solutions