Midway trough our 4 year relationship, he infomed me that he is bisexual. The circumstances of it were very unpleasent to me, as it was during our discussion about coming out to his parents, which is the first time he ever mentioned this to me. Before and during the period of us dating, he has never mentioned or hinted in any way towards his bisexuality.
In his own words, it is rather that trough our relationship he realised that he might/is bisexual. Which at first i was okay with, or rather, I thought it was his own way of coping with being gay to not dissapoint his parents too much, so in that sense, I rather felt like i was coping with it and it wasn't such a big deal. All up till now there have also been very small reminders of it, all which were noticed in a pattern of when we wouldn't have sex in a decent while – he would remind that he is bisexual by just randomly mentioning it. Because if this I recognized it as the same pattern I had for when I thought I was bicurious/bisexual, which I believe i fed even more into my coping delusions.
But at the end of the day I respect him and love him and do not wish to feel this way towards him, as the thought and imagery of him with a woman genuinly make me want to vomit and has developed excruciating anxiety with in me where I really wish I just couldn't think about it. I do believe it is a mix of jelousy and anxiety of cheating. I've understood all the common sense quotes of 'but he chose you' 'that shouldnt bother you' 'youre biphobic' and all of that. I don't care about people being bisexual but I never expected me to have the same reaction towards my boyfriend especially as an already queer person.
We are commited to each other and live together. I don't want to restrict him from his urges no matter how much they disgust me, and I don't want to continuesly feel disgusted by my own partner who I love with all my being, purely because of my own issues with it. It has been 2 years now since the first mention of it, and I still cannot get over it no matter how much I try and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I don't know how to cope with it, help