Hi guys! So I (f18) have been dating my (m20) bf for a bit. Recently something happened and I feel like a bad girlfriend and I’m wondering if I’m the problem/what I can do to fix it.
So just now my bf and I were on ft and he mentioned something that happened the other day. The other day I was at his house and out of nowhere he started acting funny. He was quiet and was very distant and irritable and just wasn’t his usual sweet affectionate self. I asked him if he was alright and he said he was fine but I knew that wasn’t the truth. Even his dad asked him what was going on and he just shrugged.
I was getting more confused and worried and I felt like maybe I had done something to upset him and figured I would just leave and go back home. I went into his room to grab my stuff and he asked me if I was leaving. I told him I didn’t want to but I figured I would because I thought he was upset with me. He said he wasn’t and that his heart was acting up and he wasn’t feeling well and it had nothing to do with me. (He has a heart condition.)
I told him I was sorry he wasn’t feeling good and that he should have told me instead because I understand completely. We gave each other a hug and the rest of the evening and the past two days went completely normal with no issues and I thought we resolved it in a healthy way.
Then out of the blue while we were on FaceTime he says “I still can’t believe you were going to leave me the other day.” I asked him what he meant, And he said “idk like the other day when you said you were going to leave it was kind of disappointing.”
I’m a VERY sensitive person and the abuse from past relationships doesn’t help much when it comes to handling conflict. I’ve always had a people pleaser attitude so the idea of disappointing anyone (especially people I love) makes me crumble on the inside. My last ex boyfriend always told me that I was draining and exhausting to be with (after he would do something abusive and damaging and then would blame it on me when I cried/held him accountable) and it has made me afraid of conflict and showing my emotions when I’m hurt.
I told him I was sorry and I didn’t mean to disappoint him or upset him and before I knew it the tears started pouring out and I couldn’t stop. He told me he wasn’t upset and he just was thinking about it and he would have been hurt if I did leave. I told him I only felt that way because he didn’t tell me what was wrong until the very last second, and I don’t stay where I’m not wanted. He said he always wanted me and he should have handled it better. We both should have.
Even though his words did make me feel better I just felt so crushed that I was a disappointment when I’ve been trying so hard to be the best gf for him. It took me a while to stop crying and he was on the other end just patiently asking me if I was okay and said that if I needed to talk about anything else I was more than welcome to.
After I calmed down he seemed drained and tired. I feel awful. All he said was that I had done something slightly disappointing and I sat there and cried like a baby over it and made MY issues HIS problem. I feel like I’m doing the exact same thing my ex did and I don’t want to hurt him and jerk his feelings around. We are fine now and I will see him tomorrow so I think it will turn out okay. But I need some input. Am I being emotionally abusive by taking everything so personally? Or am I overreacting? Am I a bad gf? I just need some outside input.
TLDR; my bf said I disappointed him and I burst into tears and couldn’t stop crying. I cry over everything and I’m afraid it’s draining/ abusive towards him emotionally. Am I the problem?