When my boyfriend gets angry he yells at me. He says really hurtful things that often make me cry. He will tell me I’m dumb, I don’t understand anything, that I can’t be normal in social situations. He will tell me I don’t support him, that I’m never there for him, that he sometimes wishes he was never with me.
He swears at me, throws things, breaks things. He’s careful to not lay a hand on me, but once threw something that hit me in the face. Then made it seem like it was my fault that I go hit because I moved.
He gets so angry at me that I get scared and I don’t know how to diffuse the situation. I get really anxious and can’t think of what to say or do and just say I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to upset him which infuriates him more. He’ll mock me and tell me I’m stupid because I have nothing more to say.
I’ll either start crying, or we will spend some time apart where he can cool off and think about what’s happened. That’s when he says he’s sorry, he didn’t mean what he said, he just got so angry. That he loves me and never means to hurt me. That I’m the only thing that matters to him and he suffers the most to see me cry. Sometimes he will try and do and say whatever he can to make it up to me.
I don’t want to say he is abusive, just mean. He has problems with anger. I don’t want to tell anyone I know because I don’t want them to hate him or think he’s a bad person. But I don’t know what else to do.
I just want to know will it always be this way? We’ve been together for almost 3 years, living together for the past 10 months and I feel like it’s so much more frequent since we live together.
I have no family or friends where I live, so I have nowhere else to go. I have no money, I’m in debt and he also owes me money.
If I move interstate back to my family, I’ll lose my job. I feel backed into a corner. I don’t want to leave him, but in those moments where he yells at me I hate him. He’s my worst enemy.