(I've never used reddit so idk if I can fit this in one post)
For context, I have never been in anything close to a relationship and she has experience.
I have been talking to a girl for a little over a month. We met on hinge. We are both college students at the same school, different majors, different schedules. She's not the greatest texter most times. Sometimes won't get a response for hours. Partially because she isn't online as much, and partially due to her crazy sleep schedule. But it sucks because I have no idea what she's doing when she's not texting me. We have had long convos over the phone a few times and have gone on a few dates, all of which have gone well imo. We have 2 more dates planned for the near future.
I like her a lot and am thinking about asking her to be official. However, some things have me worried. I might be overthinking stuff too, which I tend to do a lot. She is awfully reserved and private about everything. She changes the topic whenever she doesn't want to talk about something, and in an obvious way too. And I feel like sometimes I share more than her.
For example, she avoids telling me her IG, and I know nothing about her friends. Whenever she refers to someone, other than her family, she uses the person's username, and always uses "they" almost like she's hiding their gender. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that these people are really just her friends and not some other guys she's talking to. Sometime's I'll ask what she does with her friends just out of curiosity, but she'll avoid the question completely. One time even saying, "I don't think I wanna tell you that". Another thing is that she doesn't really ever talk about her past. To be fair, I don't have any past relationships, and she actually does make references to her past relationships on occasion.
Another thing that I think is unusual is that she doesn't want anyone knowing about her. She won't even take pics together, though I haven't really asked. She doesn't want me telling my roommates or friends or family anything about her. She did give me a reason, but it could also just be an easy excuse. Now she might just want us to be private until something official happens, which I get. I also don't know if she's told her friends about me. The main reason she won't come over to my place at all is because she wants to avoid my roommates, according to her. However, she also hasn't shown much interest in bringing me to her place. Now I have been to her apartment complex, just not inside her unit. She has however made references to us sleeping together or laying in bed.
One more thing that throws me off is her birthday. She told me weeks in advance that she had plans to hang out with her friends on her birthday, and that I likely won't get to see her. All I know if that she had some friends over for food. Once again though, I don't know what friends she's talking about. Maybe it really is just her friends, or it could be another guy that she's closer to. Now I did/am going to see her a few days later.
That sums up everything bad. I won't go into crazy detail about the good because it's not what worries me. She's talked about her family, pets, hometown, hobbies, music, school work, etc… She plans dates with me, drew an amazing picture for me (which took 2 hours), put a heart next to her name on my phone, says gn and gm almost daily, kisses me, makes out with me, cuddles with me, calls me cute, asks for my shirts, she'll remember stuff I tell her, and she remembers everything she tells me. She once even asked me to be hers over text once, but quickly deleted the message a couple seconds after. However, this happened when we were actively texting, which she would have known I would see it (right?).
So now that you know a bit about her. What should I do from here.
I would like to move forward with her because I really do enjoy being with her. However, I don't know if it's smart because I have all these worries. I think if she was more open to me about her friends and what she does with them, most if not all of my worries would be gone. What do you think I should do?
If I should move forward, how do I even go about that? I've never done anything like this, so I wouldn't even know how to start the conversation with her.
If you've made it this far, I appreciate it.
(Really hope she doesn't use reddit lol)
(Also realized I just wrote a whole essay)
2 comments
Yeah this is a lot. you either have to have a real conversation with her or you need to chill out and see how it goes.
OK, you are way overthinking this. For what it sounds like you guys are just hanging out and chilling and there’s nothing official at all. So she doesn’t have to tell you anything in that case. If you want her to tell her you more than make the commitment to actually date her make it official. And then discuss with her like sit down and actually have a talk with her saying hey, weird me out a little bit that you referred your friends by usernames. I hate to say it, but it sounds like this girl probably plays the field and has lots of guys that she has in a position similar to what you are. She may be afraid of commitment or may just be going through a phase that, she likes to play around. You’re young that happens. Has nothing to do with you. It’s all on her. But sit down ask her if she deflect or doesn’t follow the conversation. Then you know, she’s playing you she’s playing the game. You can keep playing if you want to. If you enjoy making out with her and getting the first and second base. Play the game but don’t get attached because she’s just playing the game. For all you know, she has a live-in boyfriendbecause you don’t know.