How do I start to live freely, calmly in my head after years of social isolation? What is it to ‘be a man’ anymore?

14 comments

1. There’s no such thing as “being a man”. You become your own person.

   For the rest, I can’t help you. Finding a psychologist and/or therapist could give you answers.

2. Have you looked into the practice of mindfulness?

3. Just bc people have tried to erode what the term being a man means doesn’t mean that it’s any less important for a man to be a man in todays world. If anything, it’s even more important. But that’s a different subject I suppose. My advice is to dedicate your service. You said you are “just being”. Don’t take this as me diminishing your feelings but one thing we have to keep in mind is that many out there are below “just being”, they are suffering. I guarantee there are things you can give to children that are in a situation you used to be in. What are things you wished you had then? A friend? An idea? A distraction for even a few hours a week to focus your mind on to forget about things for a just a bit? Many times our service is more important than just throwing money. To give is to receive.

4. God

5. Realize that living freely and calmly has nothing to do with being isolated or not. Other people are to supplement your life, not provide it.

   Forget “purpose”. There is none. Decide the things you like to do, and go do them, or work towards being in a position to do them.

6. Be objective. Have goals both short and long term. Be on your grind to accomplish them and take care of yourself. Everything else is secondary. Good luck and welcome back

7. Welcome back to life. It’s tough being isolated. I had experiences with isolation long term. And it feels like that.

8. Self sabotage is rough. I have 100% done this. Basically start small and build slowly. It takes time. You have to build confidence or it’s easy to fall again.

9. You have to resist the urge to self comfort constantly. Focus on one step and maintaining it until it’s routine then take another.

10. I just assumed from personal experience. Things like staying in avoiding friends and social events were comforting to me because I couldn’t control them. So eventually I’d have specific times to be alone to recharge and reflect. Rather than doing it all the time

11. OP I’m exactly like you(having read your comments). I also feel lack of confidence which causes me to appear super kind on the outside. It’s called Nice guy syndrome, there’s a book on it.
    I’m also working, albeit very very slowly, on this. Best of luck to you though!

12. Why do you have to “be a man”?
    What makes you calm?
    What makes you feel free?

13. No one knows. Good luck!

14. Find purpose in life. It doesn’t have to be big, just something to work towards. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let others use you for their own benefit, don’t let them say or do things that hurt you. But be kind to those who help you or otherwise don’t bother you.