So just for context I’m a 31f. As is friend, let’s call her Anne.
Anne and I were really good friends for about a decade through middle and high school. Anne and I were very interested in the same things – politics, psychedelics, and discussing deep topics like religion at a very young age. Anne had a few other friends in our circle but her and I had an especially tight bond. Senior year of high school I met my now-husband. Upon learning he and I were intimate with each other Anne completely cut off communication with me. Would actually pretend I wasn’t there when I would try to talk to her. I asked a few friends in our circle at the time to ask her what happened… She explained that she was ‘disgusted’ that I was being intimate with someone. I didn’t understand at the time and still don’t. I don’t think about it much anymore as a lot of time has lapsed but every once in awhile I get sad thinking about that friendship ending so abruptly. Im 31 now and 12 years married to the guy and his perception is that she liked me as more than a friend… Im not sure. Maybe? I gave a synopsis of this friendship ‘falling out’ to a friend of my husband and he agrees. What do y’all think?
TLDR: why would a solid friend cut me off in this way for this reason?
6 comments
i think she liked you as more then just a friend.
Oh man, could be any number of reasons. As a former queer teenager, I totally buy that she might have had feelings for you. She also might have had some intense feelings related to sex itself for any number of reasons: religious convictions, upbringing, trauma, probably loads of stuff I’m not thinking of. She also might have been sex-repulsed generally. I have a close friend who’s ace and sex-repulsed; she’s not bothered by knowing that people have sex, but she’d really rather not know anything else about it.
Whatever the reason, it sounds to me like your friend cut you off not because she didn’t care about you but because there was something else going on in her brain that she felt the need to protect herself from. I’m sorry you lost her friendship.
The simplest thought would be that she liked you as more than a friend and was jealous.
I mean, was she super religious and premarital sex was just a terrible thing? Or did she have a crush on your now Husband back then, and jealous of y’all’s relationship she thought should be hers.
Does she have social media? Social media that you could stalk? Because if you found out that she was with a woman or a man mow that might answer some questions.
Even if she didn’t have romantic feelings she could’ve felt some misplaced sense of betrayal since you two were really close and then in her mind you’re suddenly participating in a very mature part of adult life, while she’s not.