Not sure if I’m looking for advice or just to vent.

I’m 26M, my wife who I’ve been with for 6 years just moved out a week ago. We broke up probably about a month ago and I’ve been on Hinge since then. Had two dates almost set up but had them ghost me, then one day I match with this 24F girl who is on paper perfect for me. I think to date still the best I’ve seen so far on Hinge, as far as relationship material goes. We start chatting at 10am and by noon we have a date set up for 6pm the same evening since she’s going away the next day. Her girlfriends actually talked her into installing Hinge and going on a date with me.

When we meet up she gives me this brief look as if I’m not what she expected and it’s a bit awkward for a moment but then we start talking and it becomes fine. We go to a bar and sit there for 2.5 hours chatting. We have a lot in common and conversation flows naturally. She knows that I’m just out of a LTR, she also tells me that she had a nasty breakup in December after getting together with a guy 2 months post his breakup, then he dumped her six months later. We talk a lot about our friends and family and it feels really intimate. I’m feel like I’m crushing on her.

When we leave the bar, I walk her to her bus stop and ask if I can hold her hand. She says “sure” and we hold hands, then interlock fingers. I get her contact outside of Hinge, she also mentions she wouldn’t go back on Hinge for a while as it’s “overwhelming” (she’s only been on there for a few days). Then when we get to the bus stop I try putting my hand on her back to pull her closer to me for a kiss and she just makes a face kind of similar to the one she had when she first saw me, like she’s really not into me. I apologise and we hug goodbye. She says something along the lines of “I’ll text you” I think.

Next day I send her a message asking if she traveled safely (she was traveling the next day). 1.5 days go by without an answer. I was actually feeling like I was over my marriage the day we had the date, but after being ghosted I started waking up in the middle of the night and couldn’t eat. So I texted the date saying she can just tell me if she’s not feeling it. She replies saying that she enjoyed it on a friendly level but doesn’t see it going forward romantically, in part because she doesn’t believe in dating someone fresh out of a relationship. She knew that I was before meeting me however.

But she says she comes to my city quite often (she lives 2 hours away but her office is here) and she can go for a walk or a coffee with me if I’d be down. I text her saying thanks for letting me know and yes I’d be down.

Though she didn’t clarify what the other part why she doesn’t see it going forward romantically is, I guess is that look she had on her face when she saw me. But then she didn’t hesitate to hold hands with me?.. That’s what got me kinda confused. Idk if I should feel that I’m unattractive or that she just doesn’t want to get hurt like she did with her ex.

Rationally I know this is over and I should move on but there’s still a lingering voice in my head that thinks maybe I can turn this around. It’s funny how I’m more bummed over a person I knew for a day than my 6 year long relationship.

2 comments
  1. She may not want to date someone who is dating so soon after a breakup and for good reason. When people give you a sign, take it and walk away from this one.

  2. It’s over. She probably gave a fake reason, but it doesn’t matter. Move on. There is nothing to salvage.

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