I have forgave my boyfriend for the mistakes he made in the past as I also made mistakes in our relationship.
My biggest problem is that when we go out and we see girls that dress in a revealing way, (especially due to summer) I can’t help but to feel insecure or paranoid about him lusting after them. The collection he had in the past had over 100’s of girls and we agreed that doing that is wrong yet he did it throughout our relationship. It was a shocking thing to see as It took me
by surprise. If he had been open to me about it I would’ve been less hurt, the fact that it was hidden made it worse. It’s been a few months since the incident and I know that he no longer does it. I am fine with him watching porn, but when it comes to
collections/ lusting after a specific model or person then it’s problematic for me.
Today when we were going to the bus there was a girl wearing something that showed off her body and I know that he saw it, this just saddened me. I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want to feel like this. I am
working on my own insecurities and I think they have a part to play.
Please help me.
Tldr: Bf in the past hurt me by collecting girls revealing pictures, now when we see similar dressing girls in public I feel triggered and hurt.
5 comments
Keep working on yourself and your insecurities, none of this is on him.
Work on yourself. Fix your insecurities and it’ll change you for the better
Insecurities are normal but when a guy is subscribed to thirst trap content, it can intensify the insecurities.
Personally, I’ve found that if a man makes you feel secure, doesn’t make you worry or make you feel like you cant trust him it will not bother you as much, if at all.
In the end, it’s natural to look at other attractive people but people have boundaries. The way your partner makes you feel has a huge impact on how insecurities will affect this.
Look for a guy who doesn’t follow lots of Instagram girls or watch porn, you’ll feel way more secure!
“I forgave my boyfriend for the mistakes he made in the past”. Wow, how gracious. In this relationship, you are judge and jury. There is zero morally wrong with anything he is doing. If you have a moral problem with it, then you are the one with a problem.
Ive heard of a few points about how the porn and insta-girl thing may become a long term detriment to pursuing healthy relationships.
Blaming others for your insecurities is not helping you either. I suspect you would have not been less hurt had he been open, your just saying that i hindsight to feel better about being judgmental.
Constructively, whats next? When you dress in a way to get his attention, is he focused on you? Does he notice and care about you in the moment ? When he’s distracted by another revealing girl, is it momentary, and does he return his gaze to admire you?
Testosterone does not have an ‘off’ day. Male distractions are 100’s of times a day. What matters, is where does his attention return to after the little distractions are done ?