My friend told me a while ago that he’s dumb and he sucks at taking tests. He ended up passing but he said he just barely passed. He really beat himself up over the whole thing.

I’ve heard him complain about other things that he struggles with (I believe they are genuine struggles), but I get the feeling he’s hard on himself in general. I know because I struggle with things myself and I use to be really hard on myself. I get a familiar vibe from him.

I wanted to text him that I struggled with beating myself up and that Ive done a lot better since I learned to overcome my inner demons. I wanted to tell him that he’s too hard on himself. I wanted to list a bunch of things that I think he’s good at (he’s smart in other fields of expertise) and I wanted to tell him that he’d get do so much better for himself if he believed in himself too.

Is this appropriate? It’s unsolicited advice, but to be fair, I’m being encouraging. I’m not telling him that he’s doing his job wrong or that he should learn to pick better-fitting clothes, I think it’s a compliment that he’s smarter than he gives himself credit for.

1 comment
  1. I think that this is fine to say, but make sure you validate his reasons too about test taking. Not everyone’s brains work the same way, I also struggled with taking tests due to my (undiagnosed at the time) anxiety. I think it’s more important to offer support and an ear than to try to fix the situation

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