First off, I’ve been with my wife for 7 years, we have no kids, we both work for a living and I haven’t ever once thought of separating.
Two different incidents have happened over the last few years:
First, about two years ago when we were newly married I overheard a FaceTime call my wife had with her group of best friends (all women, they went to college together). I was in the same room, so it wasn’t like she thought she was in private, but I was working on my laptop, so maybe she didn’t think I was listening. Essentially one of the women was newly dating some college football player, and the rest of them were poking fun of her for being a cougar. She was trying to defend herself saying he was fun, attractive, athletic etc., etc. Somehow they got discussing his penis size, which perked my ears because I didn’t know that was the kinda thing my wife would discuss with her friends. Apparently the guy was hung (the one dating him described it as a “skinny pringles can,” which I’m sure was an exaggeration but still) and all my wife’s friends oo‘d and awe’d. What bothered me was my wife said something like, “I’ve never been with a guy with a huge dick, I bet it feels amazing.” The call went on for another 30 minutes or so, but afterward I went over to my wife and asked my wife “isn’t it weird that you guys were talking about that guys penis size?” (Hinting to her that I did hear her conversation). But my wife said something like “No, we were just trying to make her feel better because there’s no chance they stay together for more than a month or two.” (They didn’t) That made me feel better at the time because I figured she was joking and anyway I’m not “huge” (I’m average) so I moved on. But I still remember it vividly.
But then more recently, a few months ago, a video apparently of Nelly getting a blowjob was leaking online. The way I learned about it was one of my wife’s friends texted their group chat about it while we were watching a movie one day and it was making her laugh so much that we had to pause it. When I asked her what was going on she said that a few of her friends had always had a celebrity crush on Nelly and now that they saw he has a small dick they were debating whether they would still want to date him. I don’t know what my wife said in the debate and I didn’t think much of it until then next day I came across the video on Twitter. My first reaction was that Nelly’s penis looked quite big, probably twice my size, and that my wife and her friends are blind, but then I looked at the twitter replies and saw them filled with other people calling him small. For some reason I thought back to the comments my wife had made on FaceTime a few years back and I decided they collectively had bothered me enough to where I should bring it up with her.
We almost never fight and we generally can work things out pretty quickly, but when I brought up that the things she had said made me feel self conscious, she brushed it off like I was being crazy to bring something up from so long ago and then some offhand comment from the other day. She said, just about word for word, “you’re crazy, it’s not something I think about. You may have a smaller dick than most guys, but you’re by far the best sex partner I’ve ever had and could ever imagine.”
I tried to leave it at that, but now whenever we have sex all I can think about is her saying that I’m “smaller than most guys.” Once in a blue moon we use a dildo on the bedroom and I have noticed that she does seem to react to that better than she does to me.
Am I just being crazy and should somehow get over it? Should I bring it up with her again someway? Let me know if you have ideas.
TL;dr: Wife makes me feel like she thinks my size is inadequate
19 comments
Everyone romanticize things…
This sounds like more of a you insecurity thing. It sucks men in society have been taught to be insecure about their size. Big dicks is more for the jokes like “wow that’s so big!” humor. You don’t want your wife to be a DD but people joke anyway right? In reality big dicks hurt in piv and blowjobs are tiring. Try to believe that your wife is happy with you. There’s more to a person than the size of their dick.
Gonna give you a really important lesson here:
Men with large penises tend to be really shitty lovers. They think all they have to do is stick it in and pump a bunch and women will drown in orgasms.
Pain is not a turn-on, and big penises only matter to men’s egos. If you’re looking for “evidence” that your wife doesn’t like your junk, your brain will manufacture it.
This is a you thing, I think. I’d bring it up to your therapist and see their thoughts?
Sorry this is eating at you though, that’s never fun :-
Sorry to be crude, but if all she wanted was a giant dick, she could have bought a dildo (or married my cousin who IS a big dick). But clearly she wanted you, top to toe. So just be happy and let it go.
Big dick does not mean better sex. From what I hear it usually means worse. Don’t worry about her being satisfied with you.
“You may have a smaller dick than most guys” I mean, what?! Is that something she really needed to say to you? You can never unhear that. Of course you are hurt. Wow. Your wife (and her friends) sound really immature and kind of crass.
Red flag 🚩controlling abusive gaslighting narcissist break up immediately etc
I can understand why this makes you feel insecure and what she said was definitely insensitive BUT please please PLEASE believe her when she says you‘re her best sex partner and she‘s perfectly content with your size. She wouldn‘t have married you if she was lying. Size matters but it‘s not everything. Female PIV orgasms are a myth anyway lol (coming from a woman). Just try to let it go.
Yea, I’d be upset too. Your wife handled this terribly and her response lacks empathy or emotional intelligence.
And for female posters, butt out, you think you’d be ok if you heard your male partner talking about how much he wishes he could be with a girl with a tight p****? And when you ask him about it he replies “yea you’re pretty loose, but don’t worry about it I love you”.
You are not being crazy. Not at all.
Consider the people here saying “it’s a you thing” and “you need therapy”. Would they still say that if we gender flipped all of her own words? Such as if you said, “I’ve never been with a woman with a tight pussy. I bet it feels amazing.” Or, “You may have a looser pussy than most women but you’re by far the best sex partner I’ve ever had.”
People often see these issues through the completely sexist lenses that they were taught by mainstream media unfortunately. Such as hypocrisy that boils down to “be respectful towards women but be as disrespectful as you want towards men.”
So maybe talk to your wife and ask her how the gender flips of her own words sound to her. And if she can’t handle that discussion it will all just boil down to normalized hypocrisy.
some things just don’t need to be discussed with friends, its disrespectful. Especially about your husband/wife. I would have been offended, I wouldn’t have mentioned it , I would have literally told her she crossed the line and how disrespectful it was.
Can you imagine how a normal woman would feel if you were comparing her with your buddy’s? ..yeah you know i’ve never known what its like to be with a girl with big boobs/that is petite/ a 9+ or pretty much anything physical that would offend most women.
Its the same thing. Its just rude. some things are just off limits, out of respect or to protect the feelings of the person you are with. No doing so is offensive and shows a lack of respect/love.
Don’t just bring it up, put a complete stop to it and let her know its crossing the line.
I mean, is she going to think she’s crazy if you were to react to better boobs/vagina the way she did to a bigger penis?
If size doesn’t matter you don’t talk about how it must be great. And by your own admission she like the dildo better too🤷🏻♂️
As the saying goes. It’s not the size it’s how it’s used and the connection formed with your partner that makes the relationship worthwhile, and that’s not hyperbole. I’ve been with a girl in cases where I was too big! Which was unfortunate because we had a great connection.
Ouch she was really cruel to you there. Is she always this cruel?
You know damn well you searched for that video lol
It doesn’t matter what size a guy is, it matters how he uses it
Your wife and her friends are immature and disrespectful. While there may be truth to the fact that you have some insecurity about this to work through, your wife was very wrong in how she dealt with your concern and her comment to you was cruel.
In a healthy, respectful relationship there’s not a time limit on when concerns cannot be brought up. There’s no “it was so long ago” if something is currently concerning you and you want to discuss it.
It’s also just not ok to dissect anyone’s body for the sake of gossip and “bonding” with friends and anyone who divulges intimate details about their partner’s body or actions occurring with it without that partner’s knowledge and consent shows a lack of respect for their partner and the relationship.
She is using you. May sound harsh but the truth is she doesnt like your penis. She’s with you just for your money and security and a companionship otherwise 0 sexual attraction towards you. It can be confirmed by your dildo incident. Personally my rule is if you really love me you got to love my dick,becoz its an inseperable part of my body. How you react is upto you. Be strong n leave or be weak and stay without saying anything.