I can’t go out for a walk without being afraid of being seen by people

50 comments

1. It won’t happen overnight. You’ll have to practice this little by little. You can just try going not far from your house for a short period of time at first. Try a time when there a people but not a lot and then slowly start increasing the distance and time spent outside. If you make move towards your goal then you’ll definitely get somewhere with that. No step is a wasted step .

2. When people see you what are you afraid they might see?

3. The key is to recognize that in the moment, although people may see you, they aren’t hurting you. Keep reminding yourself this. Over and over. “They see me. It feels uncomfortable. But I’m okay.”

4. Something that personally helped me: you have as much rights to be outside/in public as anyone else. It is also YOUR territory. Strangers don’t own that space and you are equally allowed to take that space, use it and exist in it in your term and ways. Those strangers have no more importance than you and are your equals, not people to be pleased by you.

   You deserve to exist there as much as them. You are safe being you in those space. You deserve to take the space for yourself as much as them.

   Other than that, as others here have mentionned already, most people really don’t care about other strangers. And if some do, you don’t owe them anything, and if you did they would owe YOU as much you owe them. You are the strangers of others.

5. Remember that for a lot of people you see they have something they are worried/self-conscious about themselves. They have their own issues and problems they’re thinking about . If they’re judging you it’s likely a front to hide their own insecurities.

   Also it’s ok to be weird . Really if you think about it what is a “normal” person? Sounds kind of boring . Sure they’re things we can all improve and we can work on those but learn about what you truly like and dislike and what you want.

6. Happens to me too. I listen to songs and zone out. I’ve started to think by default the only way to be seen is to be heard. If I’m not talking to anyone, I won’t be remembered. Everyone is easily forgotten.

7. Wearing sunglasses and mask makes me a lil more comfortable in public. Maybe it could for you too.

8. I’ve been there. Turns out I have a hard time being able to process my more uncomfortable emotions.

   I’ve found this YouTube channel called “therapy in a nutshell” by psychiatrist Emma McAdam that has a series in 30 parts called “how to process your emotions”. It really struck a cord and it’s the best resource I’ve found so far even after some reading and visiting different therapists.

   It’s great content for handling emotions in general, sitting with them, identifying them and their message to us.

   Her message that there’s no bad emotions and coping strategies to suppress emotions fail in the long run was en eye opener. Allowing all emotions but not reacting instinctively on them seems to be key.

9. TLDR: %99 of the time random people don’t care about your existence. Get a good pair of ANC headphones, its like armor.

   Hey, just wanted to say I understand you %100. I can move about the world just fine, but its not without almost constantly thinking about how aware I am of everyone around me.

   I don’t have a car so I walk and take public transit everywhere. I can’t walk down the street though without becoming tense; especially at intersections. Sometimes I’ll find my heart is racing just waiting for the light to change.

   When I am about to cross paths with a stranger sometimes my eyes will tear up due to the stress of expectations. Im thinking “Should I smile and greet them as I pass?” “Just nod at them?” “No just steel yourself and keep walking”. Most people keep to themselves around here, but there are friendly folk who do smile and exchange greetings as we pass then I feel like an asshole because most of the time I’m staring straight ahead intent on not making any contact and don’t notice until the last minute.

   For me, part of the fear has been due to men bothering me on the street. I’m constantly on guard because I’ve experienced what most of us women have while trying to mind our on business just walking down the street. I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t owe anyone my attention and don’t have to stop if addressed by a stranger, then I start to feel bad due to not being “nice”.

   You know what though? There are literally billions of people on this planet and we are just one of them. We deserve to move about this world just like them and live our lives. Most people aren’t going to bother you or even notice you. Of course they may come a time where you’ll have to deal with that, but you can’t let it consume you.

   I suggest a good pair of active noise cancelling headphones. Wear them, put on your favorite music and go out for a walk. I love my headphones, they do such a good job of blocking out the world that it feels like armor to me. Sometimes I put them on without anything playing. Take this advice with a grain of salt though since you’ll have to be very aware of your surroundings in other ways to make up for the lack of sound. To me its completely worth it though.

10. Something that helped me was to change my mentality when it comes to looking at people from “I’m being judged” to “I’m judging people”. You start looking at people like they have to meet your standards and criteria and the more you do that, the more worth you give yourself. Look at people like “are you good enough for me?” rather than the other way round. It’s actually very easy, you just gotta believe it is. Good luck.

11. “Care about what other people think and you will always their prisoner”

12. What you’ve said is me all over I feel same way

13. Something that comforts me is the fact that most people don’t really “care”. I know believing that is easier said than done, but I’ve noticed people are so wrapped up in their own thoughts and life that they don’t really notice others. Even if they glance over, that’s usually just a knee jerk reaction to seeing movement in peripherals, I notice they always end up immediately looking away and going back into their own head. I don’t know if this is helpful.

14. This thread is so full of bulshit. Look out OP, some of it may be harmful and some of it is really disgusting.
    What is wrong with “porn watching damage” guy? Don’t answer those questions, this is some creep.

    Be good to others and you will be cured of anxiety? Seriously dude? What universe are you from and why is it dominated by the Amish?

    I’m not going to pretend that I know a cure. But it’s worrying that your anxiety seems to get more serious over time. Your life is affected.

    There are life hacks that can help you a bit – like headphones and remembering that strangers doesn’t really see you. But those tricks won’t change anything for real. May just ease things for you but not solve the problem.

    I would advise speaking with mental health professional. There are lots of potential issues – from PTSD to Asperger’s syndrome that may be correlated with anxiety of this kind. And the diagnosis is vital.

    I hope you’re going to get better. Best wishes.

15. I had the same issue for a long time and still struggle some to this day. I was almost kidnapped when I was 11, and although I was physically okay, and was able to escape the man, I was petrified of going outside and seeing a car drive by me because I was scared it would try to pull me in again. The ironic thing is my parents had just warned me of stranger danger and when the actual attempt occurred, I remember I didn’t scream like I was supposed to and I was frozen in fear and confusion. Following the attempt whenever I was in a public place I would be afraid someone would take me or grab me unless I was walking with my parents. Even as I got older, I would be with friends and walking around and still nervous and anxious about someone trying to take me. I’m almost 30, and what got me able to finally go out alone and not be scared was just that. Doing the thing. Going outside. Knowing I’m strong. And constantly reminding myself that what happened was a long time ago, and that man is long gone somewhere else, and I’m an adult and I can’t let fear stop me from living my life. With that being said, even today when walking my dog or going to the store or whatever I’m doing outside, I’m consciously scanning the environment, and looking over my shoulder, but the fear has lessened considerably and like I said that only was able to happen by making myself do things and not living in fear. You just gotta stay safe and remember who you are and not care about other people and what they think- as hard as it is. If I can do it you can to 🙂

16. I have this exact fear!!! I rarely go out walking because I’m terrified of random people paying attention to my existence when I’m out in the open like that. One thing I taught myself that helps me though, is to be really honest with myself: Do I pay attention to other people out and about as much as I’m afraid they are paying attention to me? Absolutely not. I’m always just trying to get my shit done so I can go home, and I try to remind myself that this is most likely what other people are doing also. It does get easier with time and practice, and sure, some days might be more difficult than others but it will get easier with time. I’m still telling myself this every day 🙂 I wish you the best of luck, as I know just how badly this feeling sucks!! And I hope my advice will help even a little bit ⭐️

17. I used to be like that a bit after Covid-19 lockdown. I liked wearing masks because it covered my face and made me kind of invisible. My mentality now is that I am facing the world with all my imperfections, all of it idc.

18. I actually have this exact issue. When I want to go for a walk, I drive to a different town. It makes me feel better knowing the people who see me will never see me again. It’s honestly unhealthy though, being so scared to leave the house. Fear is a cage that I’m quite comfortable in. However, I want more for myself so I sometimes try to do small things in public. I sometimes go to a store even if I don’t need anything just to get a little more comfortable being in public. I’m sorry you’re also going through this and I’m sorry I couldn’t help much

19. I bet most people don’t care, or care as much as you think. I always remembered being self conscious undressing for medical appointments until I did my first clinicals at a nursing home. Washing someone through a hole in a “shower chair” really did not bother me at all and I was not critiquing them or thinking about them being naked, nothing like that. I thought it would be weird, but it wasn’t. I then realized that it is true, a lot of people really aren’t that concerned, and certainly not nasty a lot of the times.

20. All you’re doing is thinking about yourself and not paying attention to others, maybe they’re doing the same? We humans are self centred so we spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves instead of paying too much attention to what’s going around us and that’s a good thing in this case because nobody pays us the amount of attention we think they are

21. Your are worthy. No one is watching. It’s all in your head. Listen some jams and strut yourself.

22. I get like this as well! Eating in public, taking walks, chiming into conversation, the shoes I’m wearing, my outfit, worrying abt embarrassing myself ect.

    Something that has helped me a lot is realizing that no one cares. And I don’t mean just saying that but think about it: When you do go out in public, do you ever remember what someone is wearing? Do you dwell on something they did that embarrassed them? When you’ve gone out to eat, do you really notice the people eating around you? When you see someone walking or working out, do you think abt them for more than 2 seconds? I really like to put myself in their shoes in a way in realizing that even when someone DOES do something out of the ordinary, yeah I may thing abt it for a second, but do I really care? No!

    Since we are all individuals, we have our own things we need to focus on. Just like how you don’t notice peoples little things, or at least dwell on them, they don’t dwell on yours. I don’t personally think the goal is to be more judgmental, but instead just realizing that someone either literally doesn’t even notice, may be looking at you and judging you in the best ways (her hair looks great today, ect), or is judging you in a mean way, but will literally forget about it probably an hour later.

    I try to go places in public alone to overcome this. I’d start by just maybe walking around a store and buying yourself a little something fun(-: When it comes to walking outside..do you have an area that you could drive to that you’d feel more comfortable walking at? I personally found a beautiful area that I feel more comfortable walking at, bc I also get this way abt walking around my town. Either way, just to share to help you feel better: it was SUPER awk and anxiety provoking at first, but once I did it a few and some times, I almost forgot I was even anxious. It’s about doing it and really forcing yourself with the idea that you’ll eventually be alright with it.

    where it gets super tough is actually socializing w new people that you know you’ll be around (at school or work). Have no tips for that one yet🤣🥲

23. I had same, then I realised over time that no-one was looking at me! That led to other insecurities coming to the fore 🙂 but at least it meant I could walk to the shops without worry.

24. Sunglasses, sunglasses, sunglasses.

    Music, affirmations (which I’m skeptical of) or power anthems, whatever makes you happiest.

    Go out of your comfort zone and smile at them, with sunglasses to hide your eyes. And, have pepper spray with you if you’re anxious on that front too (I do) haha

    Good luck💙

25. [“Don’t worry: No one cares”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gtSNjnjPOk)

    The title is intentionally a little inflammatory, but I promise it’s a very useful (and kind) video for this problem. Sometimes I suffer from it too.

26. One quote that stuck with me says “You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.” Boosted my confidence tbh

27. Go on a car, it’s better. Im a guy snd even i wouldn’t just walk outside randomly – unless you have a thick skin and can takle a 200lb gorilla , don’t do that. Your life is precious and the fear is your gut telling you as a warning.
    PS english is not my first language.

28. You just need to take into consideration that if you saw someone walking, you wouldn’t have any thoughts or opinions on it so people would have the same reaction if they saw you. I used to be nervous about going out for a walk by myself in case I saw someone I knew but I realised that nobody really cares. Maybe try doing it a bit at a time, like firstly going for a walk to the grocery store so it feels like you’re walking for a justified reason and then slowly just going for a walk for the sake of it.

29. Wear a mask and a hoodie

30. I hate to say it simply because it comes off as harsh, but every living there life just like you. You are simply a person doing person things

    First hurdle you gonna need to pass is understanding that people are people. Not God.

31. Just remember everyone is their own main character in their life, and everyone else is just a side character. No one really pays attention to you unless you’re like right in front of them (hugging distance kinda)

32. I used to just pretend im on call while walking, now i can walk in public without pretending

33. If it makes you feel any better I can’t remember anyone that I walked past this week. Or even yesterday. I assume most people are like that

34. There are already some great advices here. One thing that I follow is : I dress up and act like a very average (society defined ‘normal’) guy.. so average that I often end up hearing that omg you look just like my cousin/ next door guy. It helps to avoid getting unnecessary attention. And also familiarity breeds likeness.

35. I don’t walk my dog during the day because my neighbor gives me anxiety. He sits in his garage and watches tv mounted on the wall – cool. When I go outside he shuts his garage door. Every dang time. Never spoke to him, no clue. Doesn’t do it for other people. Maybe jealous as my house in 3x bigger than his. Almost makes me puke. So I wait until night to walk dog. Everyone is cool in my neighborhood minus that geezer. Hopefully he moves into an old folks home soon lol

36. Sounds like self sabotage:But going for a walk everyday can break u freee. U’ll get used to it+careless bout ppl. This helped me. Get well soon!

37. Pretend that others see you as if you were their personal favorite classy and beautiful celebrity. Seriously

38. There is a name for it: spotlight paradox. You think you are at the spotlight, wherever you go. But 1. most people think like that too, and 2. most people care more about themself then about you.

39. Omg! I did the same thing in high school. I would only go out at night i was just so self conscious/scared of what people would think of me. I would go running at night, walking, do calisthenics, etc… Plus it is kind of cool at night, you’re so used to seeing everything during the day. IMHO It’s like getting into the pool. You can either slowly wade in or dive in, but you gotta get in.

40. I really really relate to this. One thing that helps me is to wear clothes that feel like a shield. Took a while for me to learn what that meant personally but it usually involves a hat and lots of black. I also find it so much easier to go if I have my dog because I can talk to him or pet him or whatever and I have no idea exactly why, I just feel less conspicuous with him.

    I only felt like this after the pandemic but it hasn’t gone away yet.

41. I am a bit like this too… Leaving my hometown helped a lot. Try going to public places and just hang out even if it is a bit uncomfortable.

42. Hey I’ve had this problem as well. Whats helped me lots is being present in my body rather then living in my head. I’d recommend yoga to practice this if you’re interested

43. Face mask helps a lot.
    Just go out, put some earphones on and pretend that you are all alone in this world…
    Even if someone looks at you. Pretend that they could not see you…

44. I used to feel very similar, am a bit better for it now but I found it necessary to wear clothes that almost completely covered me, jeans and baggy hoodies. Not sure if that’d be of any help at all.

45. Wear dark sunglasses or some other way of ‘hiding’. I ride my motorcycle with a mirrored visor and it’s made a big difference! This helps with my agoraphobia.

46. I think when you would go out more often you would realise that they are not here to bother you. We all have social anxieties in some forms, but the good thing is that we can always improve.

47. i’ve never related to something so much. i literally back away or find a way to “escape” when i see other people while im on a walk. in every store i get scared of being looked at .

48. Had this exact conversation with my brother, who’s inhibited and shy, couple years ago. Came up with a silly but effective plan to get him out of his comfort zone. Found a couple fake raccoon tails at a Halloween store. Long story short I convinced him that by us walking around in public with those fastened to the back of our hats, that his inhibitions in public would end. Finally he agreed to do it lol. A real riot.

    Now when he’s not sure if he can be in public, he remembers that if he can walk around with a Davey Crockett hat, he can do anything. It worked.

49. Walk on the side of the road where the cars are going in the same direction as you. Also have sunglasses. Also headphones some music or audiobook might help

50. One thing that helped me a little is wearing a mask everywhere. It feels like people look at me less and I look like I care about safety which is also a plus