We have been dating for 10 months and we have sex frequently. But he doesn’t orgasm with sex, or in any other way.
I have tried every way possible, blowjobs, handjobs etc.
The only way he can orgasm is if he jerks himself off REALLY FAST, (to the point his hand hurts).
Please advice me on what I can do to fix this?
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Sounds like he desensitived his penis from jerking off too much as a teen. Not your fault at all.
Maybe lower the frequency at which you have sex so that he is hornier.
Sounds like death grip.
He needs to give not wanking a shot and when he does he needs to work on lessening the pressure he uses.
Let him stop jerking
Sounds like the same issue I have at the monment but still haven’t found a solution.
This is like posting “I can’t make someone enjoy my cooking because he goes to 5 star restaurants for lunch every day.”
Your boyfriend needs to choose between you and jerking off so much. For this to work he needs to stop porn and jerking off for 2-3 weeks. And probably commit to reducing jerking off to only times when you aren’t available.
You don’t fix this. He does.
That’s a him problem not a you problem. Dude needs to lay off of masturbating for quite a while. Like others have said. It’s the way he masturbates. Eventually he will cum, he just needs to build more tension, ie go a while without masturbating. After a long enough break, he will pop a huge load for you. Lol.
That’s called death grip. Happens to people who masturbate a lot, frequency and intensity wise. They slowly lose sensitivity to the point of needing almost violent stimulation to feel anything. That is something a pussy, or a mouth, or your hand, cannot provide.
There is a fix tho. He needs to stop masturbating. Like, really stop. Sensitivity will come back after a while, like a month, maybe two. But then he’ll be able to cum from regular amounts of stimulation. Then he can get back to jerking off, but less and less intensely.
This is easier said than done, especially considering that for some people, masturbation comes close to addiction, add porn into the mix, and you get a true dependency. He can try first reducing the number of times he jerks off slowly until he reaches a point in which he can go days without it. Then he can stop. Also, trying a sex toy such as a fleshlight can help, instead of using his hand.
This requires a conversation with him. Tell him that death grip is what he has, educate him on it, it’s a good idea to provide links for resources explaining this phenomenon. Ask him if he would be willing to work on it so that he can enjoy sex more. Be tactful and make it comfortable for both of you.
Best of luck
Is he porn addicted?
Your boyfriend is breaking his dick. A lot of people are saying he should stop masturbating cold turkey, which is probably his best bet. That said if he’s addicted to masturbation, and doesn’t want to give it up or improve his habits, one thing he could try is using a male masturbation toy (like a fleshlight). That would force him to lay off the pressure on his dick and potentially help quite a bit.
Have him start masturbating with lube. It will help with death grip.
Otherwise, lick his balls while he’s jerking himself. Again, make sure there’s lube for him, when he jerks himself.
I used to not use lube, as a teen. But once I started buying condoms and lube in college, I explored with using lube on myself. It helped me out.
Death grip. Needs to be untrained. Spent too long jerking hard and fast to porn.
Everyone mentioning masturbation hasn’t even asked if he is on any types of medicines. Specifically antidepressants. I had this same issue with Zoloft and it wasn’t due to a masturbation or porn addiction, it was just the only way it would happen for me because I knew my body and it took a weird technique that my wife couldn’t preform herself for me to finish.
By how you describe his masturbation habits – absolute death grip
maybe you could ask him to teach you how to please him? this way, you can learn to bring him to completion.
It is a lot of death grip advices here, so I want add that it is best if he also checks with doctor, it is bunch of medical conditions which can cause nerve damage.
He has to abstain from stimulation for a while. Give it a few weeks and he should regain sensitivity.
This is his problem, not yours. He got used to beating (literally) his dick so hard that it’s the only way he can reach orgasm. No vagina will ever be as tight as his grip so he fucked himself from his habits. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.
Best thing for him to do is to stop masturbating for a while and I bet you he’d be able to reach orgasm after a couple of weeks of not masturbating.
it’s not you, it’s him. he likely masturbates too much or too hard and fast
Caffeine and sugar make me horny
Does he take any prescription medications?
Even ones that “aren’t supposed to” decrease sex drive or sensation still do. My example is lithium, from personal experience.
Is that the goal? For him to orgasm? Is he not enjoying himself?
To counter the death grip thoughts; I rarely marinate anymore and still have a fairly low sensitivity in my penis. Some of us are just harder Os. He may have death grip(sounds like it) but he may just be low sensitivity. It’s a bell curve; some are a hair trigger O, some like me can go forever 😁
He’s thinking too much.
Porn addicted with death grip. Dont waste your time on him
Reddit has such a crazy double standard when it comes to male and female orgasm sensitivity. It’s widely acknowledged that all women are different and some women have an easier or more difficult time reaching orgasm, but anytime and dude says it’s hard for them to cum the problem 100% of the time is “death grip” as if all penises are the same and it’s just a matter of masturbating too much.
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OP, a lot of men are in the reverse situation to you where it’s hard for them to get their partner to orgasm during sex without using a toy. Get a fleshlight. You can get clear ones if that hotter for you or ones that are open and you just stroke it up and down the shaft.
Does _he_ have a problem with this? Is he failing to meet _your_ needs?
I’m not at 100% getting off either. But my GF is always taken care of. Usually in double-digits. She’s a fireworks show. I _usually_ get there myself, but definitely not every time.
I’m in no way minimizing your desire for this, but what’s his take?
Have you tried anal sex? It makes me cum faster due to the intensity and excitement
Seconding the advice to ask if he is in any medications such as anti depressants. Decreased sex drive and decreased sensitivity is a common side effect and can be really frustrating.
Well my gf cant cum without her wand or vibrato, I dont ask her to stop using it. Although before she was using it she came and squirted without them.
So you dont always have to blame masturbation I think. Maybe try using a cool fleshlight toy on him? have you tried any toys?
Ok so my first thoght is does he take medications. These can have a huge efect.
The other thing is he needs to masterbate difrently. He has trained his brain to respond to really fast stimulation and needs to masterbate much slower as to match the speed of sex
is he on any kind of medication? Antidepressants?
Sounds like a classic case of too much fapping.
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As others have said, death grip.
BUT, something you might be able to help with in the mean time while he’s sorting that out, while you’re PIV, use one finger on each side of his penis while he’s thrusting. That will give a little more pressure on his shaft to help him. But he definitely needs to work on that himself, because there will never be a Vag as tight as his fist.
May also be caused by medications. Some, such as anti-depressants, can cause this, too.
First two thoughts
1) Death Grip/porn: does he jack off to porn a lot?
2) is he on any meds that affect sexual arousal or performance?
Have you tried doing a prostate massage?
does female death grip exist?
I had that issue with my ex husband. It was very hard to make him cum, and he could only do it like 1/10 times. He didn’t masturbate as far as I know and didn’t took any medications. I never knew the problem.
SSRI medications can make it really hard to cum. I remember years ago taking Zoloft for a few months and it would take me an hour to cum.
I’m someone who suffers from this and the death grip may be the answer, It could also be psychological. For me it’s psychological and more of a comfortability thing
Talk to a healthcare provider, get a check-up. If this is something he has experienced his entire life then it might just be how it is for him.
Definitely sounds like death grip. I have it😂. My gf loves it though. As much as she would like to make me cum, she gets to have endless penetrative orgasms without fear of impregnation. Especially when we don’t want kids.
This is not a you problem. This is akin to when men think something is wrong with them bc their girl can’t orgasm easily. Often it has nothing to do with them.
Aside from this, a growing problem for people, but especially men, is watching porn from a young age and jacking off a lot. It creates an situation where they can either only cum to porn or if they jack themselves off, so either emotional or physical de-sensitization. Again, not a you problem. He should prob take a break from jerking it for a while.
Me and my bf (now husband) had this problem. He just didn’t jerk it for about a week and then we worked to find a rhythm that worked for him. He actually needs it pretty slow to finish.
Challenge him to a week without orgasm. That means wanking. Just dry for a week
Tell him he needs to stop watching porn and keep his hands off his dick.
This is not a snarky response. I’m totally serious. He’s likely having a hard time getting his brain in synch with his mojo because of too many porn situations.
I was in your boyfriend’s situation for a long time. I had no problem cumming from jerking off but sex did almost nothing for me. I had mastered jerking off, to the point where I could have really intense and powerful orgasms using very specific techniques. Back before I started having sex and was single I would masturbate by spreading my legs apart really far, which put a lot of pressure on my prostate. Then I would jerk off really hard and fast gripping just the tip really tightly where I was most sensitive. At first I could have really intense orgasms that way, but over the years the effect had worn off. It took more and more to make me cum, and that was a big problem, becuase I never had much privacy at home since I shared a room and my parents had no concept of boundaries. So essentially I just had to keep gripping harder and harder, putting myself in the most convuluted positions, twisting my nipples, choking myself, fingering my ass, anything to get that little bit more stimulation to cum fast.
Of course when I eventually had sex no onecould replicate years of self exploration or mimic my very specific techniques. It had taken me years to get them down after all. Even if they had wanted to jerk me off, or give me a blow job, it wouldn’t have any effect. I could barely feel vaginal sex at all. Sometimes I could cum from penetration but only after going fast and hard for so long that whoever I was with would tell me to stop because they were getting sore. At first I thought it was a good problem to have, everyone always says they want their boyfriend’s to last longer right? Well it turns out the reverse can be just as bad. Every woman I was with was getting tired of exhausting long and sometimes painful sex. And when we had to admit defeat and I jerked myself off I could tell they felt so unsexy, that they weren’t good enough to make me cum. Or they thought I might be gay, I was accused of that a few times. I needed a solution.
After my first semester of college I decided I would try to reset myself. I would only masturbate with a loose grip, mimicking a pussy as much as I could. Furthermore, I would only allow myself about ten minutes to cum, that’s how long I usually had free to masturbate anyways. If I couldn’t cum within that time, I wouldn’t get to cum that time around. I also waited a long time between masturbating, usually about a week (for me that was super long). I also cut out porn that summer as much as I could. I allowed myself a few still images to get myself going but that was it. I figured that I need to be more in the moment when I had sex, and porn would condition me to cum only from the stimuli of porn. Since I wouldn’t have porn during sex, that was something that had to go too, at least for now.
I kept a log of each time I masturbated, timing myself to note how long it took with that method. I couldn’t always stick to the ten minute rule at first, and it took me a long time to cum at first, sometimes up to half an hour even though after a full week I was desperate to cum. Slowly though I worked my way down to about fifteen minutes and by the end of the summer I could cum in seven minutes!
When I returned to normal sex I definitely still was on the long side for cumming. However, now it was usually a half hour affair, and often I would even have to stop myself from cumming too soon! I still can’t cum from handjobs, and blowjobs have to be very specific to work. However, several years later, I think I’m back to taking a healthy amount of time to cum. If your boyfriend follows similar steps I think he can make a full recovery too.
Yes you can. Keep trying. It’ll work.
You sound nice for caring about this. If he can’t cum there’s something wrong with him.