Hi this is my first post here on Reddit after hearing many Tiktoks of reading Reddit Stories. I want to come here and hear some advices because I definitely need help. English is not my first language so bear with me on this one. Here is a little background story. So me (19M) met a guy (24M) on Tinder. We both started off as friends and had a few casual hangout, or so I thought. On our third hangout, we went to his house and he kissed me. That started the whole we would see each other romantically and stuff. However, I already knew that he is gonna leave in December due to his contract expires, and he can’t stay unless he finds a new job for his visa. We were dating for a few weeks and I asked him do you think about this seriously as in being exclusive. He said that he wasn’t 100% sure about it so I said OK, no pressure. But a week later, we stopped because he said that at this point in his life, he is still clueless and he don’t know if he is gonna stay to give me a long term relationship and more things. I couldn’t accept it and after a long talk, I walked out on him because I couldn’t accept the truth. I cried my ass out that night. The next morning, I went and bought him a present to say goodbye and left a note at his room. In the afternoon, I cried in a coffee shop and decide to go to see if he received the note. He did so I left. But at night, I felt the urge to tell him everything I didn’t think of saying yesterday. So I walked to his house and knocked on the door. He invited me in and we talked for a long time and ended up having 1 last night as a romantic date. We also promised to be friends if we both heal. The next morning, he left for work and I left for school. From that point forward, I feel better but I always have the urge to text him every day. So I texted him about my urge and he agreed to do it on the condition that I must feel good too. So we did it and I feel normal. Here is the part where I need advice. So I was sick this past week and my mental health also spiraled with it. So on Friday, I texted him a long ass text about me being lonely. Then a few hours later, I called him asking him to go on a walk with me. But he said he is having friends over but he still can pick up the call. I immediately regretted it as I said I won’t bother him and let him heal too but I feel like everything I did was the opposite. I felt so bad that I didn’t considerate his feeling. I’m sorry if this post seems missing pieces because it’s a really long story. He is a great guy and I still want to be friends with him until he goes back. What should I do now. I know that he and I needed time but I hate the process of waiting to heal.
If you need more details, I can explain it in the comments.
Please help me